A Mama-Cycle: a poem by Brittany Weiler

Her back is set and knees are up,
Her rider climbs aboard,
He presses her knee and turns the key
And the engine starts to roar.

She rumbles over gravel
Taking turns too sharp to see
She flies up high and pops a wheel
As her rider laughs with glee.

With a boy upon her knees
They go most anywhere
They fly o'er hills and over dales
Until her knees crash down.

A mama-cycle goes for miles
From morning until night
Ofttimes she is awakened
Before dawn's first early light.

Her fuel is often healthy
But sometimes furtive, sneaking treats
A mama-cycle knows her riders
Always want whate'er she eats.

She keeps her bike in shape
With early workouts, sometimes plodding
And while her shape has changed o'er time
She hopes her engine is applauding.

Training riders is exhausting
Discouraging at times
They seem to never want to drive
But just demand air-time.

But a mama-cycle never wavers
She persists in pressing on
She knows her riders leave her
Too soon and then they're gone.

Can she teach them all they need
To navigate the road
To avoid the rocks and ditches
As they bear their heavy loads?

A mama's engine must be strong
Many fears she must allay
To fear the road is to miss the joy
Of the sights along the way.

So on the road of life she flies
Her man with his own ride
Helping guide their riders
As they travel side by side.

And as she looks around her
She sees the sky and trees
And looks up at her rider
Nothing more important does she see.

So she decides, "No need to rush,
No need to run or flee.
I'll stay awhile and enjoy the ride
This bike has grown on me."

Fall camping trip

Every fall I like to go on a camping trip. I also like to go in the spring, but the fall is the best because the bugs are fewer and the leaves are gorgeous. I love where we live. This year, we opted to go to northern Virginia to camp because we were (well, Michael) going to go to a sealing of a couple in our ward afterwards the following morning.



We packed up and headed out. When we arrived at what the GPS said was our intended campsite, however, we were unimpressed with the run-down trailers, a derelict motel, and a few RVs that were scattered on the property (I am still not sure we were at the right place--the reviews had been good!).

It was a cloudy day but not too cold.

So, we headed to the nearby Sky Meadows State Park which we had also looked into previously. The sites there were primitive (no running water or bathrooms), and we had to hike in a mile.

Instead of going through all of our stuff to only bring what we truly needed, we loaded it all up into the wagon we had brought as well as the large wheelbarrow that we rented on-site. Michael truly earns the award for best attitude and strongest muscles. I was hesitant but went ahead, and the kids made it despite some weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth.

Pull, Henry, pull!

I kept thinking about the pioneers as I dragged the heavy wagon over tree roots, mud, and bumpy rocks while trying to encourage the kids. Wow.

Our campsite, however, was terrific, and we got all set up before the sun went down, which is always nice. The baby potty we had brought (not only for Henry but for all who needed it) was popular. We had hobo dinners that I had prepped previously--I had cooked the potatoes in advance; next time I'll cook the carrots in advance as well.

The favorite part of the night for the kids was probably the lanterns and flashlights and making s'mores. Michael's and my favorite part was putting the kids down in the tent (despite their unwillingness to go to bed, especially Henry who was totally wired and loving life--we could hear him going over to Clara and Robbie and trying to chat with them in the tent while they were trying to go to sleep) and sitting by the fire, whispering quietly and watching the flames.

The night was fitful, as usual, but we made it safely through.

 In the morning, Clara and I hung out while Michael took the boys and a load out to the car. They hurried back for some quick hot cocoa before we broke camp in record time and headed out.

 Bookin' the mile back to the car. Despite our rush, we unfortunately missed the sealing because the time had been changed. Michael go to do some initiatories, though, and the kids did well as we walked around the visitor's center and around the temple.

All in all, the adventure was a success and good memories were made. One of these times we're going to set up camp for two nights so it feels worth all the work. :-)

Clara Love lately

Amidst all my travelogue posts, I wanted to include some of my thoughts on life now. My yearly personal theme for 2017 is "Be Thankful." In that effort, I have been keeping a daily journal each night, writing a few lines about the day and things I am grateful for. One thing that has impressed me is that no matter how difficult the day was, there is always something I can find to be grateful for. Clara is a person I am definitely thankful for but who also causes me the most grief! :-)

"How is Clara?" friends or family ask me occasionally. As my firstborn and the one with "special needs," she in general has been my most challenging child (although the boys might be in first place by the time they're out of the house). She has made it through sixth grade without too much agony, although we did change her from her normal classroom routine with an aide in class to a more supported environment with a smaller class that stays for half the class period (or less) and then comes back to the resource room for more instruction. She has been more confident in this environment, but it hasn't been challenging enough for her academically (according to the teacher). It's such a tricky balance--the smaller class reduces anxiety, but the regular gen ed classroom gives her more intellectual challenge and pushes her more. As a mother, it is hard to know what choice is right. As of right now, we're going to switch back to the general education classroom for seventh grade in the hopes that she has gained a boost of confidence this past quarter that will carry over. We'll see how it goes.

Clara really enjoys helping in the multiple disabilities classroom at school.

How does autism and ADHD look these days in Clara? Well, no longer does Clara perpetually seek "umbrellas" (objects with a stick and a top on it, like an umbrella or a lollipop, etc.), and she no longer asks dozens of times a day for us to be a particular character or voice. She doesn't act out in school that much, and she loves her special ed teachers. For this I am truly grateful. She also is able to navigate the halls of a large school as well as a locker (she uses a lock with a key instead of a combination lock) and I have been very impressed to find her working on her homework after school without my forcing her to sit down to begin. She has learned to make her bed and does a relatively good job cleaning the bathroom counter and sinks. She tolerates taking her ADHD medication and doesn't generally fight me about it. The other day, she even successfully made a phone call to a store to find out if they carried fidget spinners and how much they cost (she had to save up for one). Her teacher just last week sent me a picture of Clara reading to the more severely disabled kids at school. (Doing anything in public--even at home in front of the family--is a dreaded occurrence for her.). That was awesome.

On the flip side, there are still a lot of the same challenges that we've dealt with for years with little improvement. The other day I read a blog post rough draft from nearly three years ago that sounded very similar to struggles we face today. That was a bummer. She still fixates on things--why did I think that would go away?--and has physical habits that are frustrating. There is always something she is doing that obviously fills a sensory need but that isn't good. It used to be sucking on her upper lip, which she fortunately doesn't do anymore. Now it's twirling her hair, causing pieces of it to break off and look like a thick wad of bangs on one side of her head.  Or it's picking at a small sore/scratch until it is triple in size and bleeding (I paid her a dollar the other day if she would just keep the bandaid on it without taking it off--she hates bandaids--and she did! The wound finally started healing.).

Her sensory needs have become more pronounced than when she was younger--she prefers to wear two pairs of socks and have her shoes very tight on her feet--I've noticed her big toe is already bending in. On the plus side, she recently allowed a shoe salesman to measure her feet and we successfully purchased new shoes without too huge of an outburst in the store. Clara wants to have her ponytail super tight as well and has taken to using at least five to eight hairbands on her ponytail at once. They break frequently. But hey, at least she is able to put her own hair in a ponytail!

Autism commonly includes not understanding the other person's perspective, but dang it, this is so frustrating. She lacks the self-awareness to realize what she is feeling and the words to be able to express those feelings, so she often lashes out in physical ways--hitting, pulling hair (mine as well as her brothers'), etc. I remember thinking when she was a preschooler that this wouldn't last forever (as people try to comfort you when you're potty training, etc.), so it's been discouraging to think, well, it's still going on with a twelve-year-old. And because she often can't be reasoned with logically, I am sometimes completely at a loss to help her understand that just because she doesn't want to do something doesn't mean she doesn't have to do it. Like go to church (today, for example, which was a terrible day). Or brush your hair. Or take a shower. So after trying positive motivators, like, "Clara, as soon as you get your work done you can have screen time!" I sometimes resort to, "Clara, if you don't go do [x y or z] by the time I count to 3, then you will lose all your books." That is the best and worst punishment to give her. And I hate doing it. (Had to do it today.) I take away screen time; I inform her that she has an early bedtime; I remove all the privileges I can think of. I try to motivate in positive ways--we have a penny chart where she and Robbie get pennies "moved" for kind and obedient choices--and constantly am trying to look for the good and praise her for the good choices she is making. She struggles with positive self-esteem, and even when she's being a serious turd and I feel so angry with her stubborn, willful, unteachable behavior. I remind her that next time we can make a good choice, and that she does make lots of good choices.

Hygiene continues to be a big issue--toileting is still not done well; she still can't wash her own hair; she isn't sensitive to various smells coming from underwear that needs to be changed and is unfazed when she passes gas in public. Lately she's had these terrible stomach issues that probably don't need to be described in detail for those with a delicate constitution. I have been keeping track to to try to figure out a pattern.

Clara also has some sort of fixation on the amounts of things. She wants to use gobs of ketchup and dressing and syrup (I mean, tons). She has plugged up our toilet so many times with the huge balls of toilet paper she uses. She squeezes tons of body wash into the bathtub for bubbles (I'm talking half a bottle or more) and perpetually feels the need to "finish off" the container--like if there's some Life in the box, to pour it all out into the bowl even if it is way too full. Same with milk. So much wasted milk and cereal at our house. When I intervene with her pouring/squeezing/wiping, she yells that I am being stingy. Sometimes it's not always worth the battle.
THIS WAS POSTED IN 2017, MOM! HOPE YOU FEEL PROUD OF ME HAHA! ;)

The boys

As Robbie and Henry have continued to grow, their relationship has done the same. As I mentioned in the previous post, there are definitely moments of absolute frustration and anger on either their part or mine as they navigate the challenges of sibling relationships and also dealing with another child who differs in age from you.

There are also joyous moments where I see Robbie generously sharing his treat with Henry or Henry giving Robbie back his toy when Robbie asks nicely. Several times I have come out of the shower and been concerned that it was so quiet only to peek in at the living room and see both boys reading books quietly on the couch or armchair.

Of course, the times with the greatest hysterical laughter and giggling invariably occur when they are doing something (a) naughty, (b) messy, or (c) both. The day before yesterday I came into the bathroom and found Robbie and Henry had put the towel into the sink and emptied the hand soap dispenser onto it, getting my pajama pants soaked as well (guess I should have put them away!). And the day before that, Henry decided to empty the little toilet full of pee and poop onto the floor instead of into the big toilet. That was awesome. Yesterday evening, I look out in the backyard in the middle of the backyard and see Henry side-stepping across the grass with his underwear around his ankles. I run out and Robbie informs me that Henry had peed in the grass. (I am glad that at least he'd had the foresight to pull down his pants so they didn't get wet.) After informing him that we don't pee outside, only in the bathroom, I later go out to get them for dinner and find them coming out from behind the shed. "Henry pooped behind the shed!" Robbie informs me. I grab Henry and run him to the potty before he can tramp any dirty (poopy?) feet across the house, where he then poops some more. I then ask Robbie if he also pooped behind the shed, which he confirms with a guilty, nervous look on his face. "Don't tell Daddy!" Robbie pleads. I tell him that he can tell him tomorrow and that he'd have to help him clean it up (because I am sick of cleaning up poop!). "Robbie, Daddy probably did the same thing when he was your age. But NEVER do that again." Boys!!

A Sunday afternoon bunk bed fort--a sweet moment when all the kids were playing in the same space (Clara is hiding somewhere in there).

Too bad I don't have any pictures of the multiple colorful creations Henry has drawn on his legs, hands, and feet with markers (I thought they were supposed to be ultra-washable?!) while Robbie is contentedly drawing nearby in the study. Or the drawings he's added to our walls and upholstered chairs. I also feel like I get beat up sometimes by their accidental roughhousing--yesterday Henry yanked his head back while I was reading to him on my lap and he hit my brow bone--it is still tender. Robbie will get so excited about things that he jumps on me and hurts me and then feels bad about it and hides.

Robbie really enjoys making forts with the couch cushions in the living room and is really improving at either letting Henry in or building him his own.

Then today. This weekend is General Conference weekend, and we had planned to visit some Mennonite friends on their farm this morning before the first session. We were rushing to get out the door, when we look in the bathroom and see Henry standing at the sink with at least a fourth cup of hair gel glopped all over his head and hands.

He had seen Robbie putting some on earlier (and Robbie had left out the gel, ahem) and thought he'd do the same, Henry-style. I had to hurriedly undress him (but not after taking a pic, of course) and put him in the shower and wash his hair to get all the gel out before we left. Could have been worse, I guess . . . could have been molasses or oil or gum or . . . who knows what.

One memory I hope I can retain is the image of the two brothers in the shower or bath together, having fun (when they're not fighting over whose turn it is to hold the water spigot) and getting clean. Their cute little buns (Michael calls Henry "double-dimple bum" because of his two little dimples above his bum cheeks while Robbie has the tightest, most perfectly shaped buns I've ever seen) are adorable (sorry if they're embarrassed about this in the future--they are still just little boys!).

I hope and pray that their relationship will grow and strengthen as time goes by. I know there can be a lot of sibling rivalry between boys in a family (or any siblings, for that matter), but I hope that their hard times will help them grow closer and love each other more. That is if I don't die of exhaustion in the process.

Life lately

Life has been pretty crazy lately. I feel not at all in a good routine and feel like I am all over the place.

 It could be because the boys often get up too early (too early is before 6:30 because that is when Michael and I are trying be done with scripture study and exercise)--especially Henry who doesn't like the idea of going back to bed once he is raring to go. So sometimes I take him on an early walk when he interrupts my working out--the other day, Michael and Robbie joined us, which made it especially enjoyable. Because it has been quite hot here (upper 80s today), the early mornings haven't been too cold.

It could also be because Michael is currently undergoing his yearly marketing thank-you gift which this year includes making football brownies for everyone--each staff member of each office, which will total over 700 brownies by the time he's done. I am helping minimally and mostly have been a stinker about "my" kitchen being invaded. Fortunately, Michael does a good job of cleaning up :-). And then he goes to deliver all the gifts to all the dentists (between 50 and 70?). So he's pretty busy doing that.

A front-runner reason for the craziness could be that we are getting the office renovated. Big time. Here is the clinic floor being ripped up before new chairs are installed. Michael compares this to his having a baby--it's been in the works for a good year now and now the baby is being born. Last week was very stressful, especially with Michael renting space at the pediatric dentist's office next door on Friday and Saturday (he will do that a few more times over the next six weeks) to see patients during the renovation. He has been having to finish up final decisions regarding the new cabinets, fixtures, countertops, furniture, etc. It's like building the house, except instead of having nine months, he's doing it all in six weeks. Jim Herr, the general contractor, is really terrific and is making sure things stay on schedule. Of course there will be hiccups, but so far, so good. It's been challenging for Michael in the mean time while he doesn't have much office space (he and I do still have our little offices to work in, which are super hot without A/C I might add) as he stays on top of treatment planning, dentist correspondence, his marketing efforts, oh, and being a bishop, and a father, and a husband . . .

Another recent stressor has been trying to help Clara with school struggles, GI issues that seem to have increased over the past year, and trying to work out medication challenges. We started her on Zoloft (an SSRI) to help with anxiety, but as we slowly increased her dosage it only seemed to increase her anger, defiance, and fatigue. After six weeks with no improvement and only negative side effects, we decided to taper her back off, and she seems to be doing better. I am looking into other services for her, but with insurance blahs, everything is soooo expensive. It's hard wanting to invest in something that you aren't sure is even going to help at all.

That being said, however, I am very grateful for the sweet moments that I see where she is playing nicely with Henry or Robbie, agrees to do her homework willingly (we have lots of incentive charts right now: one for homework where she earns my driving her to school one morning, one for keeping her hair up during the day so she doesn't pull it which earns her taking my old phone to school for a day, and I think her teachers have started another incentive chart based on our parent-teacher meeting yesterday to brainstorm how to help Clara not only stay in class (instead of sitting in the bathroom for 40 minutes (!)) but also to manage her frustration and overwhelm in an appropriate way (giving her stars for good efforts, giving her permission to put her head down when she is frustrated, etc.). Hopefully it will go well. The most effective motivator continues to be talking in character voices or using stuffed animals to motivate her.

Or maybe it's the boys. These two caterpillars in their cocoons definitely give me a run for my money with their crazy antics. There are often really special moments where Robbie is being so patient, kind, and cooperative with Henry that it makes me want to cry (and vice-versa, like today when Henry hit Robbie accidentally (?) with a water bottle in the head and then came over to comfort him, rubbing his back like I was doing and saying, "It's all right. It's okay."). And then there are the moments where he whacks him or vice-versa, where they scream at each other, etc. I am pretty sure it's "normal," but boy, those two are puh-retty tiring. But I love their guts, so it's okay. I love their unique personalities and feel very grateful to be blessed with them.

I am thankful for sweet memories that I have, like of Henry tucking in baby dolls in his bed and singing "Teach me to walk in the light" to them. And of singing to Robbie before he went to bed while he laid his head on my arm and held onto it tightly. I am happy that I have seen those moments of greatness come through in Clara, and to enjoy her beautiful, wide, brace-filled smile when she thinks something is funny. Michael and I will often look at each other when the kids do something amusing, and I feel so blessed that we can share those knowing moments, moments that only a mother and father can share.

Having Robbie go to preschool again instead of Kindergarten was definitely the right choice, I feel. I am so glad after all the stress of worrying about it! He often gets in the car after I pick him up (it's 8:30 to 12:30, Mon thru Thurs), and he says, "School is sooo long!" Good thing he doesn't have to stay until 3:00 yet . . .

We had a fun time at the apple orchard the other week on his class field trip. I like seeing how much more confident Robbie is this year, now that he is older.

In addition to family stuff, I also had the opportunity to organize and conduct a choir for a stake musical evening that was held in Charlottesville before the General Women's broadcast this past weekend. It was a lot of work but also very rewarding, and the Spirit was strong as we sang about being "a circle of sisters." Singing and music bring me so much joy--I also got to sing in a duet with my friend, Ruth Robertson, for a missionary fireside on Sunday evening.

Anyway, whatever the reason for the craziness of life lately, I am trying to remind myself that the office will eventually be done, I will find a groove, we'll work things out with Clara's meds and school (got a positive note on Monday, yay!), and it will be calmer. At some point. I am thankful for good health, for warm beds, for responsibilities that mean that I am needed, and for a loving husband and partner. We both help each other through the crazy times, for which I am truly grateful.

My first foray into canning

So I have canned before. Like, twice. I remember my mom canned a ton growing up--I have this vague memory of the smell of tomatoes while she used a food strainer on the screened-in porch of our Southern Bay Court house in Snellville. Funny how things like that stick with you.

But anyway, I have been pretty terrified of canning. And making applesauce. I have had a goal to make applesauce for a few years now but have chickened out each time. So when a good friend, Stacie Mayfield, talked to me about how she does it, I got up the courage to try. It certainly helped that she let me borrow her food strainer and got the apples for me (I had gone up to the apple orchard already but they didn't have enough when I went).

 At $9 a bushel for "seconds" (the apples they don't sell at top grade, I guess, although most of them looked totally fine to me!), it was definitely a steal. We eat a LOT of applesauce at our house--the foil packets, cups, plastic bottles, etc.

 I'll probably laugh at myself years later when I was such an amateur, but I wanted to document all these efforts. Steaming the apples in a couple of inches of water until they were soft.

 Robbie was a terrific little helper as he turned the handle of the food strainer--he loved knowing he was truly helping me.

 Daddy got home early and was a big help in finishing it up as well as helping me clean. The mess, oh the sticky mess!

Twelve quarts plus four quart freezer bags and a bit extra. A lot of work, but I think it's like having a baby--you forget how much work it is and decide to do it again :-). I was very proud of myself and very thankful for Michael's help. My favorite recollection is when we were eating dinner outside (I finally succumbed and let Michael go get 5 Guys because I didn't want to cook and the kitchen was a mess) and enjoying the applesauce. The weather was gorgeous, and as we sat Robbie said, "It tastes like real applesauce!" That's as real as it gets, buddy.

An Ode to the Roach

I was going through my blog drafts and found this poem on roaches that I never published. It made me smile and reminded me of our time in Augusta, Georgia (when I wrote this poem) during dental school. There were sooo many roaches. I loved our time there, but I sure am grateful that I live in a place where roaches aren't so commonplace.

An Ode to the Roach

I want to thank you, Mr. Roach,
for making life so great
because of you, my reaction time
is becoming quite first-rate.

If for some reason I'm outside
When it's late at night
My eyes have grown roach-vision
And I sense you without light.

I'm glad that you're around, dear roach,
'cuz life would sure be boring
if I had no worries about through which holes
in my house you might be pouring.

When Terminix arrived last June
(When I could take no more)
He reassured us that the kind we saw
Were not from cleaning skills poor.

"Oh no," he said, "those kinds of bugs
Come in to get food and water."
(Well, quite frankly, little roach,
I'd rather you didn't bother.)

We dearly love our old house, it's true
But I feel I must confess
That if it comes between charm and new
I'd pick anything over you.

Thank you for reminding me
In all things there's opposition--
But I really wish you'd asked me
If you'd be an imposition.

Now hear me out, you ugly roach,
The charade's gone on too long
You make me want to vomit
And do crimes I know are wrong.

Were it not for Georgia's beauty
And the family we would miss
I would move myself to somewhere
Where you never could exist.

But all in all, I must admit
There are things out there much worse
I'd rather have you than mice or bats
Or with a plague be cursed.

Insufficient and okay

Today I felt keenly that I was not enough. Not kind enough to others, patient enough, not prepared enough at church, not a good enough parent to handle the challenges that my children bring to me. I often try to fill the lack of feeling enough with food, trying to compensate for my lack by an overabundance of eating. It does dull the pain for a bit, but of course, the root of the problem is still there.

Even Batman felt insufficient sometimes. I think.

And so on a day like today, when I am feeling this way and really want to drown my troubles and self-loathing in some ice cream, I thought I would instead share some thoughts I've learned about sufficiency from my study months ago.

Sufficiency: the condition or quality of being adequate or sufficient; adequate

The idea of being enough is something I've always struggled with. When we were first married, Michael quickly learned how much I disliked the phrase "Just do your best!" because I couldn't define what my best was. And when was it enough to meet the demands of the task or situation?

I am trying to come to terms with the idea that I am not enough . . . by myself. On my own, I am weak, mortal, and prey to my weaknesses and sins. But in partnership with my Savior, I am enough. Because He is enough. I know I am not alone in this struggle--the apostle Paul talked about sufficiency as well:

2 Corinthians 3:4-5--"Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think anything as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God." 

2 Corinthians 9:8--"And God is able to make all grace [enabling power of Christ] abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work."

2 Corinthians 12:7-10--"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

Spending time with Henry always makes me feel better.

Philippians 4:6-7, 11-13--"Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. . . . Not that I speak in respect of want; for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am in, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: everywhere and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and suffer need. I can do all things through Christ, which strengtheneth me." 

I think those last verses are particularly poignant--Paul to me is saying that he is learning to be okay with insufficiency. He can handle it because he knows he can do what he needs to do with the Lord's help.

Ether 12:26-27--"My grace is sufficient for the meek, that they shall take no advantage of your weakness. And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

I love that scripture because the Savior is saying that if I am meek enough, humble enough, to accept that I don't have it all together, then His power is enough for me meet the demands of the day, or of that particular moment.

I made a list of thoughts--mostly misperceptions, I realized, as I wrote them--about sufficiency. I wrote about what I thought equalled being "enough"--many of them involved external indicators like my body appearance or weight or the behavior of my children or the state of my house. I also wrote about what I felt indicated insufficiency. Well, insufficiency is an interesting word.

Insufficiency: not enough, inadequate quantitatively (e.g. She had insufficient funds to purchase the dress.)

It can often be confused with deficiency.

Deficiency: lacking something essential; related = defective qualitatively (e.g. His diet was deficient in iron.)

Satan really wants us to think that we are deficient, that there is something seriously flawed in our makeup that will prevent us from ever changing or improving. He wants me to think that every time I mess up, I am just proving to myself and others that I was fooling myself into thinking I could be something better.

On the other hand, Jesus Christ is saying, "Come unto me, all ye that labor, and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek, and lowly in heart, and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (Matthew 11: 28-30). Not to put words into His mouth, but essentially, it's like he's saying, "Come, take a load off, I will help you carry it. With me, you can do this. You might be insufficient on your own, but in me, you can become perfect."

I was deeply moved by one of my favorite hymns, "I Stand All Amazed," (#193) as I thought of it in the context of this topic:

I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me
Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me
I tremble to know that for me he was crucified
That for me, a sinner, he suffered, he bled and died.

I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine
To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine
That he should extend his great love unto such as I.
Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify.

I think of his hands pierced and bleeding to pay the debt
Such mercy, such love and devotion can I forget?
No, no, I will praise and adore at the mercy seat,
Until at the glorified throne I kneel at his feet.

Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me
Enough to die for me.
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!

Truly, on a day like today, when I haven't been enough, I can take heart knowing that while I am insufficient, I am not deficient, and I can keep trying. And not only that, in the mean time, the Savior's grace will make up for what I lack, and I can still be a sufficient mother, wife, teacher, and friend. I am grateful that I can be enough, through Him.

{Other great scriptures related to sufficiency: D&C 12:8, Moroni 10:32, D&C 67:13-14)}

A quick trip to the beach

Last weekend, we took a quick trip to the beach. Thanks to credit card points, our hotel was free (woohoo!). We drove up Thursday evening to Annapolis, Maryland, which helped to cut the driving down into more manageable bits. I was proud of Robbie and Clara being able to sleep on the hide-a-bed together--a first. After the complimentary breakfast at the Residence Inn, we drove the last two hours to Rehoboth Beach in Delaware. We actually went to Cape Henlopen, a state park next to Rehoboth. It was a fun beach and not super crowded.

 Clara was not digging the beach and kept asking when we were leaving. Sigh. The Atlantic Ocean was pretty rough and she didn't like the surf.

 Although initially reluctant, Michael convinced Robbie and especially Henry that the ocean was actually super fun.

 Robbie really enjoyed collecting rocks and shells.

After a couple of hours there, we decided to try out the Chesapeake Bay side of Delaware. On the way, we stopped at a nature center and the kids touched horseshoe crabs and saw tanks of fish. The Bay side was almost completely calm. I didn't like the briny/mucky feel of the sand--or the biting flies--but the kids enjoyed a calmer time and had fun playing there. Clara definitely felt more comfortable on that side. It was awesome that they could walk out for yards without any change in water depth.

We picked up a pizza from Squisito's on the way to our hotel and then showed the older kids the classic Disney's Robin Hood movie; it brought back lots of memories for me of lines that Bryan and I would say to each other.

The next morning, we drove to the Climbzone. I had originally intended to have this be for another trip, but we decided to go for it.

The place was phenomenal.With over thirty different climbing walls, each uniquely designed, plus a bounce house and inflatable slides, we had a blast. Michael and I could even do it, which was fun.

 Clara was brave to try the climbing net.

 Henry just thought the whole thing was a gas.

 She was a good sport for trying, even though she was uncomfortable.

 After a few tries on a wall, Clara opted to spend most of the time watching Baby Einstein in the small child area by herself. This made me sad. It is such a challenge to find activities that are enjoyable for everyone in the family, and I think this will only continue to be difficult as the boys get older and are interested in other things. For now, the modus operandi is that we will all participate--if nothing else, exposure to new things is good, right? Right?!

 The Mount Rushmore wall was great because you could have multiple climbers. Robbie did well on the walls--he wasn't quite as into it as I was hoping, but he got pretty far on several, and I hope that he'll grow in confidence as we do that kind of thing more.

 Henry hasn't yet developed a sense of healthy fear, and he just kept going on this kitty climbing wall.

There he is at the very top. I was afraid he would try to climb right over it! I kept yelling up, "Okay, Henry, great job, now let go and come down!" (It was an auto-belay system, so if you let go, it would just gently drop you down.) It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he did and just grinned the whole way as he dropped to the ground. Several people were watching him in amazement and clapped when he got down.

And then on the way home, we dropped by the McAllister's house to see their sweet new baby, Lena.

It was a fun weekend jaunt before school started back up again.

Summer 2017 Fun

I feel like this summer--which is already two-thirds of the way through--has gone well. One thing that has made things hugely easier is Henry's ability to walk, play, swim, and more or less keep up with Robbie and Clara.

Here are a few highlights:

 The initial plan and charts. These worked well, although I wasn't always as good at reminding the kids to check them off. I used the code words "Cah-ca-cah!" to remind them to check their charts in the morning.

One of the things I wanted to work on was "table time," where we did fine motor and sensory activities.

 Making stress balls out of balloons and flour--which sadly popped/ripped that day. Big mess. #pinterestfail

 Snap cubes were a lot of fun.

 Play-doh is always a hit--the kids were good at threading Cheerios onto spaghetti noodles as well.

 Practicing with paper clips.

 Homemade Silly Putty, which was fun, but we agreed that the store-bought is still better.

I petered out with the table time the last month or so of summer, but that was okay.

 Our hydrangeas. I love them so much.

Staying up late to catch fireflies. It was magical.

 Pool time. Nice crack, Henry.

 Bath time feels so good after the pool.

 Painting outside.

 The sprinkler under the trampoline.

 Swimming at the pool has been a highlight. Robbie's lessons were great and he has really been improving. He even jumped off the diving board and went down the slide.

 Eyes closed but still beautiful!

 This kid has been crazy in the pool this year. No fear.

 Geoboards for table time.

 A trip to Riven Rock park. So beautiful.

 Clara hanging out with Elizabeth Stratford and Audrey Smith.

 Enjoying pizza at Benny's after cleaning the church. Their pieces are enormous.

 Michael working on editing some awesome scripture story videos with the kids as actors on Sundays when he's had the time.

 At Sherando Lake, Clara got on the stand-up paddle board. I was impressed.

Bad pic of Robbie, but the boys loved playing in the water and the sand at the lake. We went there for playgroup and our neighbors, the Zopps, came as well. It was a blast.

I went rock-climbing with a new friend, Sara Briscoe, at the UREC at JMU. It was fun and scary--we were just on the novice climbs, but it felt pretty hard to me! I was very proud of myself for doing it.

While Michael recovered from his kidney surgery, I took the kids to Wildwood Park. It was a beautiful evening.

We made homemade bubbles--totally awesome!

The splash pad in Winchester--it was probably not worth the drive, but it was a fun hour. Actually, the super high-tech bathroom was the most amazing part, haha!

We filled up 650 water balloons with our neighbors, the Zopps. The first 350 were popped/thrown nearly instantaneously--the second batch on the trampoline lasted a little longer after the experience wasn't quite so new. The kids pretended they were their babies.

Fun fun fun.

Family movie night watching Tarzan with lots of yummy treats--awesome.