Gulp . . . I did it!

Well, I finally took the plunge yesterday and chopped Clara's hair. It was the fourth time I've cut it since she was born, but this time I cut off about six or seven inches. Yikes! I was pretty traumatized at first, but Clara was happy as a clam sitting in her booster seat and watching Max and Ruby. She kept shaking her hair--you probably know that feeling of releasing such a heavy hair burden.

Ode to Mr. Bear

I would like to wax eloquent about Clara's little stuffed bear, Mr. Bear. He has been with us since Clara's first Easter, over three years ago, given to her by my mom. An important member of our family, Mr. Bear has sat with us at dinner, accompanied us to church over 150 times, been a perpetual car-rider and errand-runner, traveled across the country twice, accepted many band-aids, spills, dirt stains, germs, and innumerable other evidences of a little girl's love.

Most especially, he has been a tremendous source of comfort. He comforted Clara on three separate occasions when nurses attempted to draw blood and when Clara got her MRI. He has helped her get through difficult OT/PT sessions, overwhelming playdates, and on trips when Mom and Dad were away. Clara has slept only one night without him, and it was the saddest six hours of sleep ever. For both of us.

It is time to confess. As time has passed, I have grown very fond of Mr. Bear as well. He has been a crutch for me and I would always make sure she had him for nursery, outings, etc. so that she would have her "comfort object." I now have developed a sixth sense for Mr. Bear's whereabouts to ensure that we do not lose him (which has almost happened on several occasions).

However, I feel that the time has come for Mr. Bear to be not quite so ever-present in our lives. For over a week now, Mr. Bear has remained at home for nearly all of our outings (I do let him attend Sacrament meeting, but not nursery). Clara has held up very well, which further cements my conviction that this weaning is time-appropriate. Now, lest you fear we have abandoned him altogether, let me assure that she still carries him all around the house, asks for him frequently, and sleeps with him. I am fine with that. Eventually we'll get to the point where he is just for bed, but for now, this will do.

I love you, Mr. Bear. Thank you for being there for us. We will make sure you are around for many years to come.

P.S. And if Clara ever outgrows you, you will always have a place with me.

THEN.

NOW.

To cut or not to cut?

I'll get to the point of this post at the end . . .

I could have taken pictures of other happenings from this week, like the following:

• Clara taking off her poopy diaper during her "quiet time" in her room and getting poop all over her bedspread, on the floor, and on last year's clothing that she had taken out of the closet;
• My having to wash three loads of laundry (thanks to the above incident);
• My scrubbing her bedspread with an old toothbrush (see above)
  
• My washing her floor (ditto)
• Clara putting on--no joke--seven pairs of underwear AT ONCE, with one pair on correctly
• Clara wrecking her room and moving her furniture during her "quiet times."

Instead, I'll pretend all of those things never happened and post pretty pics of our visit to the park before library story time today.

Which leads me to the question of the day: Should I cut Clara's hair short? I'm talking chin-length. I love her hair long, but with its natural wave it is somewhat unmanageable at times, particularly with the humidity. I probably should have done it at the beginning of the summer, but now that it will be fall (relatively) soon, I have very mixed feelings. Any thoughts?

It's not all about ME

"It" in the title refers to motherhood. I feel like my peace or frustration with Clara come in waves--sometimes I am just so proud of the progress she is making, and other times I feel like she's regressed and life is stagnant with everyday the same, dealing with the same discouraging issues. The past couple of months we have noticed improvements in Clara's social interactions, particularly with other children one on one. We have also noticed increased eye contact, more flexibility and obedience, and just a greater level of understanding on her part of what is expected of her. They are probably imperceptible changes to others, and they're not consistent, but Michael and I feel to thank our Heavenly Father for His tender mercies.

And then we have a week like this one has mostly been, with a lot of disobedience, defiance, difficulties with other children, etc. etc. Some days have left me in tears, and yesterday was a particularly discouraging one. Instead of turning to the Savior for strength, I turned my thoughts inward to my own inadequacies. Those "why" questions pop up a lot when I feel discouraged--why can't I have a "normal" child? Why aren't we being blessed with more children? Et cetera et cetera.

Residency has also been very stressful for Michael, and he has a lot on his plate right now. But, as usual, he put his heavy load aside for me last night and comforted me. As we turned to the Lord for guidance, I recognized that so many of my "mothering issues" have been about me. Me me me. Don't get me wrong, often I am aching for Clara and worrying for her and her future and whether she can make friends, survive school, get a job, get married, reach her full potential, etc. But other times, I've thought, "Why can't I have the precocious child?" "Why can't I enjoy the milestones that other moms do, at the right times (and not a year and a half later)?" "This is just too hard (for me)."

I was reminded last night that we as mothers make sacrifices. Big sacrifices. And they can't be for ourselves, so we can "look good." They are for the children we have borne, who we will never give up on, who we will do all that we can for (just ignore those dangling prepositions, okay?). It is for Clara that I must swallow my pride and mothering expectations and learn to put aside the petty wishes of my "instant gratification" heart ("I want results! Now!"). Patience is obviously something I need to work on.

Needless to say, my faith in my Savior, Jesus Christ, grows when I remember that He has felt my pain and knows my struggles. And my struggles are so small compared to the devastating battles that so many women fight each day, all around me and all around the world. Even with all the minutiae of mankind's existence, He knows me--each of us--personally and has encircled me in the arms of His love.

I am learning to look upon motherhood as a chance to become acquainted with God. It's a work in progress.

Fabulous Fun with T 'n T

We had a blast this weekend when Michael's younger sister, Tabitha, her husband, Tommy, and their little boy, Adam, came to visit for a few days. They seemed to tolerate us and the leaky air mattress they had to sleep on fairly well. It was so fun to hang out with them.

Clara liked "baby Adam" and did pretty well with him, all things considered. Clara really liked Tabitha and Tommy . . . we heard "Hi Tommy!" and "Hi Tabitha!" peppered throughout our conversations.

Beautiful Tabitha and Adam, hanging out by the canal.

The water felt soooo good--Clara wanted to jump in. (We all did.)

Swimming in the backyard . . . check out the facial expression on each of these crazy characters.

Daddy is da bomb!

Tommy and Adam. Don't you think Adam has the cutest smile ever?!

Clara and her sidekick, Mr. Bear.

Daddy's little girl!

This is my "Clarapleaselookatthecamerasowecantakethedadgumpicture" expression. Picturesque, isn't it?

Oh Atlanta . . . I hear you calling . . .

Here are some pics from our recent ATL trip(s).

Going out to eat with my parents. Ted Turner's Montana Grill . . . scrumptious.

At the World of Coke--Clara loved this polar bear!

At the Georgia Aquarium--Clara saying "cheese!"

At the American Girl bistro--many of my fabulous nieces with their dolls. (Check out the sweet chairs they have for the dolls to sit at the table, too.)

Sweet cousins!

Here with my sister, Heather, and my sister-in-law, Tana.