The Little Sneak

The other day Michael and I were shopping to update our 72-hour kit at the dollar store. When we left the store, we looked down to discover Clara holding an entire box of Mentos candy packages on her lap and had already opened and eaten a Mento from one of the packages. We were so surprised we just laughed and laughed! She just had them perched there on her knees, like there was nothing unusual about it. We paid for the Mentos roll (if only she'd have snitched a Snickers or something much better instead). What a thief!

Television--A Love-Hate Relationship

Clara is very visually oriented and stimulated. She could look at pictures, photos, books, magazines, the computer, and the television for very long periods of time. And she does, or at least she tries to. We don't have a t.v. connection, for which I am grateful. We do rent DVDs from the library, and Clara's favorite is Max and Ruby. She has watched those same episodes so many times, but she just loves them and asks to watch "Max! Max!" several times a day. Hey, at least she's tenacious! Anyway, I've been trying to figure out what my limits will be for her regarding television watching, and I've decided that she can watch it five days a week (not on Sunday and another day of my choosing) for 45 minutes. I feel like this is reasonable and helps me feel in control. Clara loves the computer, but I don't think that she needs any more of that, and so I've stopped having her play games on the computer (read: I play the game generally and she watches). I feel like these are good choices. The exceptions will be that on road trips that are longer than two hours, we'll put up the portable DVD player and she can watch that in the car for a longer period of time, but still not the whole trip. It's tough when she's just so unbelievably happy when you let her watch Max and Ruby that she acts as though you've given her the best present ever. We love her so much.

Going the Distance

Michael and I had a great fast on Sunday, fasting for five specific things:

1. that we can have another baby
2. in gratitude for Michael's school success thus far
3. that we'll get in to VCU (first choice) or, more importantly, that we'll go wherever would be best for Michael's career and our family
4. that we'll be guided as we make plans, goals, guidelines for how we'll help Clara and what we want to do to work with her (her "handbook")
5. that our efforts, and Clara's efforts, will be magnified through the help of the Lord

And now after the fast, the reality of the daily grind is so blah and unmotivating. I'm great at planning things, setting goals, having a vision for my life, but then when it comes to the carrying-out part, I get discouraged and sometimes quit before I reach my goals. And that, as Michael reminds me, is where faith comes in. It's in the "dailyness" (as a book I read recently puts it) where our resolve is tested and where we have to act. And it's hard and boring and tiring. But darn it, I can do this! I am trying to just focus on each day at a time, making goals the previous day for things I want Clara to accomplish the next day. One thing I am especially grateful for is that I do have a sense of peace and confidence that Clara will succeed, that she will gain all of these gross and fine motor skills (even if it takes a while). I am so thankful because the past few weeks I had been feeling an increasing sense of dread for the future and a feeling of hopelessness. Don't get me wrong; I still feel overwhelmed by the future's potential realities, of having to help Clara with lots of things for a long time. Now, however, I feel more peace even as I think about the future. And frankly, I am learning (and re-learning, and re-learning) that I just have to take one day at a time and can't dwell too much on the future. I mean, we've made goals, and all her therapists have goals for her, but I just need to focus on one day, today. Elder Eyring in the May '07 General Conference gave a talk entitled "Someday." It's mostly about not procrastinating, especially repentance, but he reminded me that each day is a precious gift from God. And my ultimate goal would be for each day, at the end of that day, to feel like I did a pretty good job with Clara. Take today, for instance:

• Played in the rice box (sensory stimulation)
• Worked on tearing paper--Clara had a really hard time when I had her keep trying to do this; when she doesn't want to do something she just wants to get up and move on; I'm trying to work on helping her attend longer and keep trying
• Glued with the glue stick and stuck on pieces of paper--she did fairly well at this, with my help
• Tried to have her color, imitating a vertical or horizontal line, but she has no interest in imitation whatsoever and got frustrated very quickly; she is just NOT interested in coloring or drawing, etc.
• She sat on the potty without her diaper on for a minute or so (with the help of three mini-marshmallows)
• We read a bit, but not very much (by herself she looked through her Friend magazines, of course, and took out lots of her books)
• She watched Max and Ruby for about forty minutes (and asked for it a million other times, in addition to Elmo, etc.)
• Went to story time--she had a hard time sitting still, but I felt like she did pretty well, all in all
• Played a bit with Mrs. Potato Head, her styrofoam block and tees (only a minute or so), her babies for like a minute, etc.
• We had a tea party at her table (Goldfish, grapes, and water), but she wasn't interested in drinking from the little plastic tea cup

Anyway, today was good in a lot of ways, but also frustrating regarding the limited attention span and lack of interest in fine motor things. She still walks with her hands at mid-guard. We tried to do the Sit 'n Spin but she's tired of my putting her on it. Still, all in all, I felt like we did pretty well today. Clara sat for devotional tonight in her chair, and I think having her sit for that is good practice, especially for nursery. All I can say is that I'm trying.

Tomorrow is OT, so I am not going to push that much during the day. For tomorrow, our activities will include the following:

1. Walk on cushions with weighted vest, six times
2. Work on somersaults, jumping, and running
3. Bubbles
4. Go to Paige's house for playdate with Eliza
5. NO television

Wish me luck!