January fun

Things that made me smile this month:

Spending the morning with Henry on his special day at preschool.

 Watching the boys read Aunt Heather's book she made for my parents' 50th anniversary.

 Seeing them outside in the snow. I LOVE seeing them playing outside nicely.

 Checking out Henry's attempt at loading the dishwasher.

 Watching Henry's drawing skills grow.

 Coming into the playroom to find Batman sacked out.

Hearing Michael practice the piano (one of his goals this year).

The big FOURTEEN

How did Clara turn fourteen? Fourteen! It seems a lot older than thirteen.

 The night before her birthday, we took her and a couple of friends to the new jump park here in town.

 They had a lot of fun.

 So did the boys, who were thrilled to have a reason to go.

We came back to the house for pizza and ice cream.

Clara requested an ice cream cake.

The purple frosting didn't turn out quite purply enough, but lavender was good enough. The ice cream is sandwiched between the layers. I was pleased with how the cake turned out.

 The next morning, the birthday girl got breakfast in bed, and we opened presents later that afternoon. What a beautiful girl she is growing into. She certainly gives us lots of teaching and learning opportunities, and there are so many people who love her. We are so thankful Clara is our daughter and love her tons!

Solid food!

We gave Benjy solid food earlier this week for the first time (he'll be six months in a few days). For a few weeks now, he has been very interested in whatever we were eating and would stop what he was doing to watch me and Michael eat. My trying to eat breakfast while nursing doesn't work very well because he's more interested in my food than his.

 Oh boy! I gave him another spoon to hold, but he just alternated between grabbing whatever spoon had the food.

 "I knew you were holding out on me. How could you?"

 Two-fisting it.

 Robbie fed him a bite, too.

"I think you and I are going to be very good friends."

My Troubles to Bless

One of my personal weaknesses is a tendency to fear—the unknown, the future, others’ opinions, the choices of others, suffering, and death of a loved one. I have even planned my husband’s burial on more than one occasion when he’s been home later than expected. In that light, having children has been a significant trial of faith. I have had to come to terms with the reality that having children means giving birth to another human who has agency to make choices which are, eventually, entirely out of my control and yet also can affect me for the rest of my life and eternity. How could I have the courage to bear a child who could cause me grief and pain through unrighteous decisions? How could I face the agony of seeing someone I love in pain and feel powerless to ease the suffering? 

When I was pregnant with our third child, these feelings were particularly keen. I was serving as Young Women’s president of our ward, and I had challenged our presidency to (re-) earn the Young Womanhood recognition award along with the girls. For one of my value experiences, I chose to memorize all of the verses of “How Firm a Foundation.” Despite its daunting seven verses, this hymn became the anthem of my pregnancy. I would find myself singing it in the shower, reminding myself of the words as feelings of fear or anxiety would come to me. Lesser-known verses four and five became significant:

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,

The rivers of sorrow shall not thee o’erflow,

For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,

And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,

My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply.

The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design

Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

During that uncertain time, I began to feel with more surety that my Father in Heaven would not leave me during these years of childbearing. The feeling of peace from this hymn that repeatedly comforted me then continues to sustain me now as I reflect on a few of the challenges we’ve faced—having a child with autism, years of infertility followed unexpectedly by more children, the “routine” worries that every mother in Zion carries as she does her best to raise her children—and I know that my faith in Christ’s ability to help me through these trials has grown. My prayers are gradually losing their pleading, fearful edge of “Please don’t let this happen to me because I know I can’t handle it” and in quiet confidence changing to “Please give me the strength to handle whatever may come and the wisdom to know what to do.” I have also come to understand that the Lord will not hold me accountable for my children’s choices if I have done my part to teach them. I feel deep gratitude that I did not allow my fear of the unknown to prevent me from experiencing the joy of the known, the beautiful and joyful reality that all things will work together for our good and the good of our children because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Indeed, I bear my own testimony that 

The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose

[He] will not, [He] cannot, desert to his foes;

That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,

[He’ll] never, no never, no never forsake!

New Year's Eve and Family Awards Dinner

Well, another year has come and gone. 2018 was a wonderful year, and despite the nausea of morning sickness, pregnancy, labor and delivery, newborn life, etc., I am so thankful that our family has grown and continues to be so blessed. Benjamin is truly a joy.

 Per our tradition, we celebrated at 7pm and saw the London Eye light up with fireworks.

 We didn't have Chinese as we normally do but did enjoy this "bash cake" that our friends gave us, complete with a little mallet to crack it open. The kids were super excited about it.

 A chocolate "cake" with chocolate covered pretzels inside--suh-weet!

Henry was really excited about eating all of this. Too bad I didn't let him eat it all.

 And of course, the bubbly and glasses are essential. Happy New Year!

A few days later, we celebrated the family's 2018 accomplishments with our annual Family Awards Dinner.

 We enjoyed ribeye steaks, rolls, broccoli, fruit salad, and cupcakes from the Cupcake Company.

 The steak was quite good, but I'm pretty sure the cupcakes (or at least the look of them) won the meal for the kids.

I wonder what award this young man will get next year?

 Henry received the award for Energy, for elevating adrenaline and pushing limits with his endless taste of adventure.

 Robbie earned the award for Tenacity, for not giving up while learning new things, like learning to pump on the swing, throw a frisbee, ski, and do flips on the trampoline.

She earned the award for Caring, for helping mother her newest little brother and for her ever-ready and affectionate hugs.

 Clara gives great bear hugs.

 Then we watched the video slideshow that Michael lovingly prepared from our family's 2018 happenings. They always pull on the heartstrings. And of course, we held our fifteen-minute dance party with the disco ball, which the boys love but Clara hates (no doubt due to noise overwhelm).

On to 2019!