A visit and a getaway

Two weeks ago, Michael's parents and Hyrum came up to visit and to very kindly babysit for us so we could go on a getaway. We hadn't been away just the two of us for nearly two years. It was time.

 Before we left, however, we enjoyed a few days with the Weilers. Michael's dad's birthday was the day they drove up, so we celebrated upon their arrival.

 The Weilers bring their bikes up when they come to visit, and while Robbie was not happy about it at first, he quickly acclimated and enjoyed his cush ride. (Grandma Weiler is following behind out of this shot's range.)

 We spent two nights at The Homestead down in Hot Springs, Virginia. This hotel was first built in 1766 and has since gone through lots of updates and a fire and different ownership. It is very, very large.

Michael enjoyed a hot stone massage, and I had my feet "rescued" (a fancy pedicure). I am not into spas as they're not really the way I like to relax, but Michael loved it. I did enjoy sitting in a warm spa chair and took a little nap. It felt very weird walking around in a white hotel robe--I felt like we were in an "afterlife" planet on Star Trek or something.

The Homestead boasts the oldest still-existing golf hole in America. Michael was thrilled to be able to play this course.

 I enjoyed encouraging him from the side and sitting in my comfy seat in the golf cart reading between holes.

 The first night we ate at Sam Snead's Tavern, which was delicious. Friday night we dined in the hotel's luxurious ballroom. And yes, Michael was growing a goatee.

 Loved this dessert--it was like Magic Shell poured over really good ice cream.

My favorite part of the weekend was talking: planning together, discussing my concerns, and coming up with solutions for various things at work and at home. Can you tell my love language is quality time and words of affirmation? Basically if I can be listened to, if we can make plans together, spend some time outside, exercise, eat good food, and read, I am filled up.

 We tried to get a few classic self-timer shots on our way home.

 Wish I could have filmed my antics trying to jump over the wall and get to this spot in time. Michael looked handsome with the goatee, but I was very happy when he shaved it the day after we returned home. I'm not a facial hair kind of gal.

On our way home, Michael wanted to accommodate my desires for a better picture of us (vain me), so he pulled over to the side of the road. To get a good shot, he backed the car up . . . right into a ditch. A guy immediately pulled over and gave Michael a ride to the gas station where he got a tow truck to come and haul the car out. Meanwhile, I stood by the car and waited and had probably fifteen cars stop to see if I needed any help.

If you need to increase your faith in humanity, just get your car stuck in the middle of nowhere outside of a small town. So many good people are still in the world, despite what the news would have you think otherwise.

I had some really awesome pictures that I can't find anywhere!!! I must have accidentally deleted them from my camera. Super bummer because the ditch was pretty impressive.

After church on Sunday, we took a few shots before the Weilers had to drive home to GA.

When Hyrum arrived the previous Monday, he worried that Robbie wouldn't remember him. It did take him a little while, but Robbie quickly warmed up and loved Hyrum just like old times. We will have to keep showing Robbie pictures of Hyrum while he's gone on his mission (leaving next month to go to Irvine California, Spanish-speaking) so that he won't forget his favorite uncle. It was great having Hyrum here again, although it felt like another life when he lived with us since so much has happened since he left in June. We held an open house for him while he was here since so many people wanted to know how he was doing. He's a popular guy 'round these parts.

It was a wonderful visit. Thanks again, Grandma and Grandpa! And Hyrum!

Karate future?

Back in August I was folding laundry one day, and Robbie was being very quiet. I looked over on the floor and saw Robbie trying to put Clara's karate belt on.

"Hi Mom. Can I eat this?"

"Technically that's quite disrespectful, young one. But I will give you permission since you are the cutest karate student I have ever seen."

"Thank you, Mom Sensei. I will not disappoint you."

Who knows? Maybe we'll have two black belts someday.

Ka-rah-te

A few year ago, Michael showed Clara The Karate Kid. Since that time, occasionally Clara will ask Michael to be Mr. Miyagi (and I am therefore Mrs. Miyagi) and we pretend while speaking in a Japanese accent (probably politically incorrect, but there you go). After Clara finished her session of ballet over a year ago, she expressed an interest in doing karate, but I brushed it aside with the arrival of Robbie. Finally, after speaking with a couple of friends who have family members in karate, I decided to give it a try for Clara. We began in June and are now in the fifth month.

She has class twice a week for half an hour, which was the biggest deterrent (that and the expense). However, she can't really focus on homework during that time anyway since it's right after school, so it has worked out pretty well. Clara really enjoys doing karate, although the competency level/expectation for her is different, of course. Still, the instructor is encouraging, and she is improving in confidence. For example, occasionally after class they'll have a short game of dodgeball in the studio, and Clara used to cower in the corner and cry if she got hit. Now, she doesn't cry and has even thrown the ball back a few times, which is pretty huge. She also used to refuse to do the "grabs" where they practice what to do in certain situations, but then we went in and had a brief individual lesson and Clara since then has handled it well.

I love that they focus so much on discipline, character, respect, and safety. Another advantage for Clara is that it is an individual sport within a group setting, so it's not like a team is relying on each person to perform in order to win.

 It is pretty neat to watch Clara when she is in tune with her teacher. Here she is wearing her yellow belt right before they demonstrate their skills to the parents before receiving their next belt.

Her instructor, Mr. May, asked if he could have a hug, which she gave him. Here Clara is receiving her orange belt, which is the one after white and yellow.

Clara was very insistent that we take this action shot. She is proud of her new orange belt, and we are proud of her, too. I'm not sure how long we'll do karate since the advanced classes--after the next belt--require physical skills that aren't quite there yet, but we'll see.

In the mean time, I am determined to learn to tie that dadgum belt correctly--I don't know if it's because I'm left-handed or what, but I seem to do it wrong nearly every time, and at the belt promotion ceremony this past week, Mr. May said to Clara in front of all the parents when all the students were lined up, "Good try, sweetie, did you tie this one?" "No," Clara responded. "My mom did." Ouch.

Way to go, Clara!

Enough already

Recently Michael and I have been talking about how I feel a lot of guilt. All the time. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how right he was. Without realizing it, I am inundated by messages that tell me I am not enough.

I read somewhere (can't remember the source to quote it) about how magazines are a perfect example of those messages. Better Homes and Gardens tells me that my home can (and therefore, should) be prettier and more organized. Real Simple tells me I can (and therefore, should) be more organized and clean my house more efficiently. Southern Living and Cooking Light tell me I can (and therefore, should) cook more delicious meals faster.

{I am going to avoid magazines--except for this one, especially.}

In the world's eyes, I am never enough. I can--and therefore, should--be thinner. I should be eating fewer processed foods. I should be eating local. I should be limiting my intake--and especially, my children's--intake of sugar. I should be doing more intervals and strength training when I exercise. I should be doing more yoga and pilates. I should be exposing my children more to a variety of experiences to expand their outlook and opportunities. I should be better at cleaning my house on a schedule and more efficiently. I should be keeping up more on current events and feel more passionately about them. I should be more involved in my community.

I am trying--with the Lord's help--to change my skewed, mortal perspective. I am good enough now. This doesn't mean that I shouldn't be improving--the Savior tells us to "Look unto me in every thought" ( D&C 6:36). Obviously if I actually did that I would be a much better person than I am now.  I have a long way to go. But "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" (Phil. 4:13).

I no longer want to live for my schedule. I don't want to live for my house, to live for my to-do list, to live for my yard, to live to work out. I want to live to help others, to strengthen my relationships with my husband, my children, my siblings and parents, my friends and neighbors. I want to live to be happy, to find joy, to grow, to learn, to laugh (and yes, even at myself, which I am not good at doing). I want to live to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with others, to follow Him. Did Jesus have a to do list? Not that the lists are bad, but they have become an end in and of themselves for me.

This talk by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf resonates with me:

Let’s be honest; it’s rather easy to be busy. We all can think up a list of tasks that will overwhelm our schedules. Some might even think that their self-worth depends on the length of their to-do list. They flood the open spaces in their time with lists of meetings and minutia—even during times of stress and fatigue. Because they unnecessarily complicate their lives, they often feel increased frustration, diminished joy, and too little sense of meaning in their lives.

So to all the junk that the world dishes out, I would like to say, "ENOUGH ALREADY!! Because you know what? I am enough already."

I don't want to feel guilt about every single thing I do. 

And I have decided some things:

1. If I make a meal with a can of cream of mushroom soup, I am not a sinner, and if someone else makes a meal with all-organic, local vegetables, they are not a saint. Nor does it mean that they're a sinner. I am wondering if it's a non-issue in the Lord's eyes. Taking care of my body and my environment is important, but keeping my eyes focused on Him and not becoming lost in the world's worship of the flesh (even in the name of health) is essential.

2. I am enough even though my bathroom tile is dirty.

3. I am worthy of God's love and blessings even though I ate a lot of cookie dough yesterday and felt sick afterwards.

4. I am a good mom even though I sometimes pack my daughter's backpack for her instead of making her do it herself. I am a good mom even though sometimes I look on the computer when Robbie's awake.

5. I can sincerely repent of sins I continually make over and over and Heavenly Father will help me change. Just because I know better doesn't mean I am unworthy of His forgiveness.

If--no, when--I wonder if I am enough, I can remind myself of the Savior's words: "Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands" (Isaiah 49:16). If I am good enough to be part of Him, then I am turn my back on the world's messages and decide I am enough right now.

A night in the great outdoors

A few weeks ago, we enjoyed our first family campout since the addition of Robbie.

I can't remember where I got the idea to bring the booster seat, but it was awesome. We camped with families from church, which was fabulous since I didn't have to prepare any food. Michael did treat everyone to one of his delicious dutch oven cobblers, however. Another boon was that one of the other dads created a very spiffy little outhouse area since we were in primitive camping. This was a great relief to Clara, who wasn't very keen on the idea of "wetting in the wilderness," as Michael called it when he was a kid.

Robbie was not too sure of the whole experience. I had anticipated him wanting to get in the fire and run off when we got there. However, he was more inclined to hang out with me, which it made it much easier to keep my eyes on him. Clara, who at first was not thrilled about the experience in general, immediately perked up when she saw other friends from church there. She had a great attitude the whole time.

We borrowed our friends' enormously awesome tent into which we fit Robbie's pack 'n play (although he spent most of the night by my side since he was crying), and despite not too much sleep we feasted on breakfast burritos (that I didn't have to make) and enjoyed the whole experience very much. I am looking forward to the next camping trip.

Farm table and chairs reveal

A few months ago I posted about my trip to the Strong Oaks Woodshop in Front Royal, VA to order a farm table.

It arrived in July, but I wanted to wait until the chairs were redone to show the finished product.

These chairs were part of a dining set from my grandmother given to me by my mom. I love the set (the dining table is currently in our study and used as a multi-purpose homework table) but knew I wouldn't use the chairs in their current state--not because they aren't beautiful but because they aren't completely my style. When I had talked to my designer friend, Susan, about painting some antique chairs to go with the table, I realized, Hey, I've already got some of those!

Here they are at the refinishers' shop before they were stripped. Then they were taken down to an upholsterer to redo the fabric and foam.

Ta-dah! I am so so pleased with them. I love the blend of traditional with contemporary, antique with cottage. This print is a Jacobean floral (I've learned all sorts of words and concepts I'd never even heard of before), which isn't as stuffy as some floral prints can be. The color is the same color that is behind our shelves in the living room.

 I absolutely love the table, too--it is so heavy you can't even push it, which is great when getting up from the table (the chairs move instead of the table).

 The chairs are super comfortable, which I'm not sure is a good thing since you want to sit longer at the table and therefore eat more.

 Of course, after this picture was taken, I moved an end chair away to a corner and put the high chair back and then put a towel on Clara's seat to keep it clean. "Life is the messy bits." (Name that movie.)

Advantage #2 of having a child with Aspergers

#2: We appreciate every new skill she gains so much more because we know what she has to overcome to get there, and we more fully cherish in absolute awe the ease at which Robbie gains new skills.

Clara learned to put her hair in a ponytail a few weeks ago. This was a satisfying skill to teach her because it was one that she actually wanted to learn and not one I was forcing her to learn (like tying her shoes, which we are still in the process of learning/teaching). The look of satisfaction and joy on her face when she did a ponytail successfully by herself was just plain awesome. When she does something difficult, her success is all the more special when I take the time to consider the obstacles--whether they be sensory, interpersonal, communicative, or physical--she has to overcome to get there.

When Robbie does something new, it is amazing in a very different way. It doesn't take him a lot of effort to do it, relatively speaking. He loves to climb and open and take out and take apart. He gives the best little boy hugs in the world. Michael and I look at each other in wonder as we watch him grow. Lately he has taken to closing his eyes when he sees us coming to take something away that he shouldn't have. Sorry, kiddo, we can still see you.

And then the new level of gratitude comes when we see the two of them interacting. They truly love each other and I am thankful beyond words for that relationship and pray for it to grow and blossom as they grow older.

Michael captured this peekaboo exchange the other night. No narrative needed.

Well, I guess you can have too much of a good thing sometimes . . .

Happy burfday to me

I posted a few pics on Facebook for once and then forgot to put them on my blog for my own purposes. I don't have many pics of the day, but it was a nice birthday minus the speeding ticket I got in the morning (No, the officer didn't give me a break because it was my birthday).

Michael's gift to me per my request was to have a day to do whatever I wanted. So I went into the office and got a little bit of stuff done and then drove to Charlottesville to do some shopping. I had an unrealistic agenda of things I had wanted to accomplish in one day and also was pretty fatigued by the traffic and navigating an unfamiliar place, so I came home grateful for my family and not eager to go out on my birthday by myself again.

This guy greeted me in the morning. Pretty good handwriting for a fourteen-month-old, huh?

We enjoyed some pizza and a big cookie cake with ice cream and then Michael and I watched the movie Oz with James Franco. It had a nice message but wasn't super amazing. My favorite part of the evening was during the credits when Michael said, "Oh yeah, Bill Cosby!" as one of the munchkins and I totally believed him. I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe for about thirty seconds. Anyway, that doesn't make sense unless you've seen it, but I had to record the memory.


Happy to be thirty-one!

Advantage #1 of being a parent of a child with Aspergers

So I was going to write a post on the good things and the hard things about having a child on the autism spectrum. Frankly, the list of hard things is pretty darn long and kind of depressing, so I thought I'd write some posts about good things instead.

Advantage #1: You always have a good story to tell.

Last night, Michael took Clara to the school's literacy night to kick off the Book Fair, etc. He comes home and tells me this story. As part of the student presentation, another third grader does a magic trick called "The Unpoppable Balloon." For any who know Clara or who know a child with sensory processing issues, balloons = trouble. Whenever she sees one, she almost immediately plugs her ears because she's afraid it will pop. So while the student is doing his magic trick, the whole gymnasium is quiet except for Clara who has her hands over her ears and is talking loudly as she's nervous about it popping. At a crucial moment in the trick, the balloon accidentally pops.

Clara yells out, "Well, THAT didn't work!"

Kids around laugh and Michael can't help laughing, too. And I laugh every time I imagine the scenario, even though I am also thinking (1) I hope the poor kid or his parents (whom we are friend with) didn't hear her, (2) what are all those other kids thinking of her, and (3) when is Clara going to learn how her words affect others?

Without the benefits of time and experience to teach her how to create a filter, the thought and the resulting impulsive action have a pretty much uninhibited pathway. I'm hopeful and confident that with time, that filter will improve.

But in the mean time, the story reservoir keeps growing.

Silhouettes 2nd edition

A few years ago I made silhouettes for our hallway. Here's Clara back at age 6.

 Now that we have a not-so-new addition, I thought I'd redo Clara's as well. I debated on redoing mine and Michael's, but in the hopes that our chins haven't gotten noticeably saggier, I figured I'd leave them up for a few more years.

 This was one of those times when I debated cleaning up my desk and making everything look neat and tidy for the photo. Or I could have cropped it out. Then I decided, Nah. Real life isn't always (ever?) tidy.

It makes me a bit nostalgic to see Clara's growth, but I am so glad for the addition of this guy's silhouette on the end.

Envy

I was reading about envy in the scriptures this morning and wondered why envy is such a bad sin. It seems pretty harmless, although it's certainly petty and selfish.

But then I thought about things I've envied. Mostly, I'm ashamed to say I've envied other people's families and their children. During the 5+ years of miscarriages/infertility between Robbie and Clara, I'd envy someone when they were expecting a baby and I couldn't get pregnant. I'd envy someone with amazingly neurotypical children who drew and created and joked. I'd envy a child's precociousness, athletic skill, or ability to write. I'd envy a family's seemingly perfect and just plain normal life.

I have realized that the envy I had/have (sadly, I haven't eradicated the sin entirely from my life!) made me resent those I love. When I wish I had what someone else does, I have chosen to forget the enormous blessings that the Lord has given to me. Envy and gratitude are incongruous--just as faith and fear cannot exist simultaneously. Envy leads me to pride when I try to compensate for a "lack" that I have by subconsciously congratulating myself on a strength or a blessing (for which I can actually take no credit) in comparison to someone else.

One day when I was reading the blog of one of those beautiful-apparently-perfect-and-nothing-bad-ever-happens-to-them people, I acknowledged the envy I felt for her lovely family and her fun-loving personality. And then I had an Aha! moment given to me. I suddenly felt so glad that she had those four beautiful boys because I knew that her kids--and kids like hers--could befriend, teach, and strengthen my children. I was grateful for all those wonderful mothers out there who seemed to have it all together because they could help me and my family.

Now if only I could keep that spirit of love and generosity in my heart all the time.

I love the saying, "The key is not in having what you want; it's wanting what you have." When I am looking to others as I seek self-acceptance, I can never feel reassured. I want to learn more deeply--and teach my children--that I am enough, that they are enough, that what I have is enough, and that if I am ever wanting, the Savior has promised to give me rest from my sins and my envyings and help me feel at peace:

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me, for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.



I also appreciate Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's counsel in one of my very favorite talks:

"Walk peacefully. Walk confidently. Walk without fear and without envy. Be reassured of Heavenly Father’s abundance to you always. As we do this, we can help others, calling down blessings on them even as they make supplication for us. We can cheer every talent and ability, wherever it is bestowed, thus making life here more nearly what it will be like in heaven."

So here's to killing that green-eyed monster and opening my eyes to my blessings and rejoicing in the blessings of others.

Party time

Okay, so we didn't exactly have a party when my brother and his wife came up to visit us, but the way we had been looking forward to their first visit up here to VA sure seemed like we were preparing for a huge bash.

 Bryan and Emily, hanging out at the park. It was a bizarrely smelly that day--is there a dog food plant near Bridgewater?

 Good times.

 Clay took this excellent shot; wish we'd had a stump to put the camera on for a self-timer pic of the whole gang.

 We visited the Shenandoah Valley Produce Auction for the first time with our visitors. Lots of Mennonite farmers and others come here to sell and buy produce. It was pretty cool to hear the lightning-fast auctioneer speaking and to watch--you can see the farmer holding up his corn to show. It would have been fun to buy some chrysanthemums but I didn't need twenty (you have to buy wholesale).

Clay obliged me by posing next to these enormous beans.

 Here Clay is showing Clara the technique beyind throwing the glider properly.

 You can see here that the wings fall off, which is pretty handy for preventing total airplane obliteration after a throw.

 One of the main reasons Bryan and Emily came up was to go to the BYU v. UVA game. (Too bad BYU lost.) Michael had to take this pic for Clara because she loves Cosmo.

 Gimme five! Er, four!

 We enjoyed a quick trip to the Harrisonburg Children's Museum. Perhaps future anchors in the making?

 Performing surgery.

 Grace and I raced around the state on our bicycles.

Cousin time = good times.

The party's not over; it's just postponed until the next visit.

Eleven heaven

Happy happiest eleven years ever.

Clouds and sunshine

Recently I was thinking about Clara and how her challenges can feel like a dark cloud that's always hanging overhead. It never goes away and it overshadows us as a family and as individuals. Sometimes the cloud seems just like a wispy cirrus whose presence is undisturbing and unremarkable; other times it feels like a pale gray stratus cloud that blankets the sky. And still other times it feels dark and foreboding.

But clouds can also be quite beautiful. The striking presence of dark storm clouds is powerful and captivating. Clouds bring much-needed rain for flowers, trees, and food to grow. Without clouds, the scorching sun would leave us hot and withered. Clouds bring contrast and break up the expanse of blue. They provide enjoyment as we imagine what each cloud's shape can be. Without clouds there would be no rain and therefore no rainbows.

We think of clouds as a negative, but clouds are a gift. And one day, those dark clouds will eventually be blown away, leaving behind a beautiful clear sky that is all the more rich and meaningful in contrast to the clouds that were ever-present before.

Through all the dark clouds of our individual trials, we have hope through our Savior Jesus Christ and His gospel. He truly is "the light which shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehendeth it not." (John 1:5) And He has told us, "Search diligently, pray always, and be believing; and all things shall work together for your good, if ye walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith ye have covenanted one with another." (D&C 90:24)

So even though the clouds might be over us now, we can celebrate the shade and not fear the rain. We can be grateful for the challenges and not resent the very things that bring us the life that we need. And maybe we'll learn to sing along with Gene Kelly:

I'm singing in the rain
Just singing in the rain
What a glorious feeling
I'm happy again.
I'm laughing at clouds
So dark up above.
The suns in my heart
And I'm ready for love.
Let the stormy clouds chase
Everyone from the place
Come on with the rain I've a smile on my face.
I'm singing, just singing in the rain.