Advantage #2 of having a child with Aspergers

#2: We appreciate every new skill she gains so much more because we know what she has to overcome to get there, and we more fully cherish in absolute awe the ease at which Robbie gains new skills.

Clara learned to put her hair in a ponytail a few weeks ago. This was a satisfying skill to teach her because it was one that she actually wanted to learn and not one I was forcing her to learn (like tying her shoes, which we are still in the process of learning/teaching). The look of satisfaction and joy on her face when she did a ponytail successfully by herself was just plain awesome. When she does something difficult, her success is all the more special when I take the time to consider the obstacles--whether they be sensory, interpersonal, communicative, or physical--she has to overcome to get there.

When Robbie does something new, it is amazing in a very different way. It doesn't take him a lot of effort to do it, relatively speaking. He loves to climb and open and take out and take apart. He gives the best little boy hugs in the world. Michael and I look at each other in wonder as we watch him grow. Lately he has taken to closing his eyes when he sees us coming to take something away that he shouldn't have. Sorry, kiddo, we can still see you.

And then the new level of gratitude comes when we see the two of them interacting. They truly love each other and I am thankful beyond words for that relationship and pray for it to grow and blossom as they grow older.

Michael captured this peekaboo exchange the other night. No narrative needed.

Well, I guess you can have too much of a good thing sometimes . . .

Happy burfday to me

I posted a few pics on Facebook for once and then forgot to put them on my blog for my own purposes. I don't have many pics of the day, but it was a nice birthday minus the speeding ticket I got in the morning (No, the officer didn't give me a break because it was my birthday).

Michael's gift to me per my request was to have a day to do whatever I wanted. So I went into the office and got a little bit of stuff done and then drove to Charlottesville to do some shopping. I had an unrealistic agenda of things I had wanted to accomplish in one day and also was pretty fatigued by the traffic and navigating an unfamiliar place, so I came home grateful for my family and not eager to go out on my birthday by myself again.

This guy greeted me in the morning. Pretty good handwriting for a fourteen-month-old, huh?

We enjoyed some pizza and a big cookie cake with ice cream and then Michael and I watched the movie Oz with James Franco. It had a nice message but wasn't super amazing. My favorite part of the evening was during the credits when Michael said, "Oh yeah, Bill Cosby!" as one of the munchkins and I totally believed him. I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe for about thirty seconds. Anyway, that doesn't make sense unless you've seen it, but I had to record the memory.


Happy to be thirty-one!

Advantage #1 of being a parent of a child with Aspergers

So I was going to write a post on the good things and the hard things about having a child on the autism spectrum. Frankly, the list of hard things is pretty darn long and kind of depressing, so I thought I'd write some posts about good things instead.

Advantage #1: You always have a good story to tell.

Last night, Michael took Clara to the school's literacy night to kick off the Book Fair, etc. He comes home and tells me this story. As part of the student presentation, another third grader does a magic trick called "The Unpoppable Balloon." For any who know Clara or who know a child with sensory processing issues, balloons = trouble. Whenever she sees one, she almost immediately plugs her ears because she's afraid it will pop. So while the student is doing his magic trick, the whole gymnasium is quiet except for Clara who has her hands over her ears and is talking loudly as she's nervous about it popping. At a crucial moment in the trick, the balloon accidentally pops.

Clara yells out, "Well, THAT didn't work!"

Kids around laugh and Michael can't help laughing, too. And I laugh every time I imagine the scenario, even though I am also thinking (1) I hope the poor kid or his parents (whom we are friend with) didn't hear her, (2) what are all those other kids thinking of her, and (3) when is Clara going to learn how her words affect others?

Without the benefits of time and experience to teach her how to create a filter, the thought and the resulting impulsive action have a pretty much uninhibited pathway. I'm hopeful and confident that with time, that filter will improve.

But in the mean time, the story reservoir keeps growing.

Silhouettes 2nd edition

A few years ago I made silhouettes for our hallway. Here's Clara back at age 6.

 Now that we have a not-so-new addition, I thought I'd redo Clara's as well. I debated on redoing mine and Michael's, but in the hopes that our chins haven't gotten noticeably saggier, I figured I'd leave them up for a few more years.

 This was one of those times when I debated cleaning up my desk and making everything look neat and tidy for the photo. Or I could have cropped it out. Then I decided, Nah. Real life isn't always (ever?) tidy.

It makes me a bit nostalgic to see Clara's growth, but I am so glad for the addition of this guy's silhouette on the end.

Envy

I was reading about envy in the scriptures this morning and wondered why envy is such a bad sin. It seems pretty harmless, although it's certainly petty and selfish.

But then I thought about things I've envied. Mostly, I'm ashamed to say I've envied other people's families and their children. During the 5+ years of miscarriages/infertility between Robbie and Clara, I'd envy someone when they were expecting a baby and I couldn't get pregnant. I'd envy someone with amazingly neurotypical children who drew and created and joked. I'd envy a child's precociousness, athletic skill, or ability to write. I'd envy a family's seemingly perfect and just plain normal life.

I have realized that the envy I had/have (sadly, I haven't eradicated the sin entirely from my life!) made me resent those I love. When I wish I had what someone else does, I have chosen to forget the enormous blessings that the Lord has given to me. Envy and gratitude are incongruous--just as faith and fear cannot exist simultaneously. Envy leads me to pride when I try to compensate for a "lack" that I have by subconsciously congratulating myself on a strength or a blessing (for which I can actually take no credit) in comparison to someone else.

One day when I was reading the blog of one of those beautiful-apparently-perfect-and-nothing-bad-ever-happens-to-them people, I acknowledged the envy I felt for her lovely family and her fun-loving personality. And then I had an Aha! moment given to me. I suddenly felt so glad that she had those four beautiful boys because I knew that her kids--and kids like hers--could befriend, teach, and strengthen my children. I was grateful for all those wonderful mothers out there who seemed to have it all together because they could help me and my family.

Now if only I could keep that spirit of love and generosity in my heart all the time.

I love the saying, "The key is not in having what you want; it's wanting what you have." When I am looking to others as I seek self-acceptance, I can never feel reassured. I want to learn more deeply--and teach my children--that I am enough, that they are enough, that what I have is enough, and that if I am ever wanting, the Savior has promised to give me rest from my sins and my envyings and help me feel at peace:

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me, for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.



I also appreciate Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's counsel in one of my very favorite talks:

"Walk peacefully. Walk confidently. Walk without fear and without envy. Be reassured of Heavenly Father’s abundance to you always. As we do this, we can help others, calling down blessings on them even as they make supplication for us. We can cheer every talent and ability, wherever it is bestowed, thus making life here more nearly what it will be like in heaven."

So here's to killing that green-eyed monster and opening my eyes to my blessings and rejoicing in the blessings of others.

Party time

Okay, so we didn't exactly have a party when my brother and his wife came up to visit us, but the way we had been looking forward to their first visit up here to VA sure seemed like we were preparing for a huge bash.

 Bryan and Emily, hanging out at the park. It was a bizarrely smelly that day--is there a dog food plant near Bridgewater?

 Good times.

 Clay took this excellent shot; wish we'd had a stump to put the camera on for a self-timer pic of the whole gang.

 We visited the Shenandoah Valley Produce Auction for the first time with our visitors. Lots of Mennonite farmers and others come here to sell and buy produce. It was pretty cool to hear the lightning-fast auctioneer speaking and to watch--you can see the farmer holding up his corn to show. It would have been fun to buy some chrysanthemums but I didn't need twenty (you have to buy wholesale).

Clay obliged me by posing next to these enormous beans.

 Here Clay is showing Clara the technique beyind throwing the glider properly.

 You can see here that the wings fall off, which is pretty handy for preventing total airplane obliteration after a throw.

 One of the main reasons Bryan and Emily came up was to go to the BYU v. UVA game. (Too bad BYU lost.) Michael had to take this pic for Clara because she loves Cosmo.

 Gimme five! Er, four!

 We enjoyed a quick trip to the Harrisonburg Children's Museum. Perhaps future anchors in the making?

 Performing surgery.

 Grace and I raced around the state on our bicycles.

Cousin time = good times.

The party's not over; it's just postponed until the next visit.

Eleven heaven

Happy happiest eleven years ever.

Clouds and sunshine

Recently I was thinking about Clara and how her challenges can feel like a dark cloud that's always hanging overhead. It never goes away and it overshadows us as a family and as individuals. Sometimes the cloud seems just like a wispy cirrus whose presence is undisturbing and unremarkable; other times it feels like a pale gray stratus cloud that blankets the sky. And still other times it feels dark and foreboding.

But clouds can also be quite beautiful. The striking presence of dark storm clouds is powerful and captivating. Clouds bring much-needed rain for flowers, trees, and food to grow. Without clouds, the scorching sun would leave us hot and withered. Clouds bring contrast and break up the expanse of blue. They provide enjoyment as we imagine what each cloud's shape can be. Without clouds there would be no rain and therefore no rainbows.

We think of clouds as a negative, but clouds are a gift. And one day, those dark clouds will eventually be blown away, leaving behind a beautiful clear sky that is all the more rich and meaningful in contrast to the clouds that were ever-present before.

Through all the dark clouds of our individual trials, we have hope through our Savior Jesus Christ and His gospel. He truly is "the light which shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehendeth it not." (John 1:5) And He has told us, "Search diligently, pray always, and be believing; and all things shall work together for your good, if ye walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith ye have covenanted one with another." (D&C 90:24)

So even though the clouds might be over us now, we can celebrate the shade and not fear the rain. We can be grateful for the challenges and not resent the very things that bring us the life that we need. And maybe we'll learn to sing along with Gene Kelly:

I'm singing in the rain
Just singing in the rain
What a glorious feeling
I'm happy again.
I'm laughing at clouds
So dark up above.
The suns in my heart
And I'm ready for love.
Let the stormy clouds chase
Everyone from the place
Come on with the rain I've a smile on my face.
I'm singing, just singing in the rain.

Special visitors

A couple of weeks ago we were treated to a wonderful visit from Michael's grandparents and cousin Sarah from Gettysburg, Pennsylvania.

 Sarah came bearing a housewarming gift from her parents--a personalized bucket full of ice cream sundae goodies and bowls. Awesome.

 It was really special being able to show Grandma and Grandpa Weiler the beam from their barn in its home above the fireplace. 

We feel very blessed to be near more family so we can get to know each other better and introduce our children to their great-grandparents. Since I never met my great-grandparents, I am thankful that my children know at least one set of theirs.

Family is what it's all about.

An evening at the fair

Last week we went to the Rockingham County Fair. By Fair standards, I don't really know how it compares to others seeing as how I've only been to a fair a couple of times before in my life (my first experience I got to "help" milk a goat--very exciting). For these parts, though, it's a pretty big deal. With all the farms around these parts, we really enjoyed seeing the 4-H and FFA club animals. Michael saw several of his younger patients, one of whom showed us his prize-winning sheep that he had raised himself.

There's just something quaint, redneck, fun, and American in an evening spent at the fair. The kid(s) weren't up for any rides, but I am not a big fan of those anyway.

 Robbie was more interested in sucking on the very sanitary sheep pen than in the sheep themselves.

 Charmer.

 Mom, I can't smile right now; I'm eating.

 Clara isn't a big fan of unexpected noises. The roosters were not her favorite.

 I loved seeing all the prize-winning produce and flowers. Not sure if they held a baked goods contest, but I wish I could have seen it/eaten it if they did. Have any of you read Squashed by Hope Bauer? A great Fair book.

 Two charmers.

 Clara is very mindful of keeping Robbie safe. Most of the time it's totally awesome and very helpful; occasionally it takes some convincing for me to help her understand that he can take risks sometimes--like climbing on a big rig with both his parents nearby, for example.

 Uh, a little help here?

 I think there might have been a little vicarious living going on here. Michael's mom tells me that he would get very excited as a toddler when he saw a semi-trailer and would point and say, "Big buh!" whenever he saw one.

And now to bed.

Blonder and longer

I was going through my photos to finally put together Robbie's 1st year album, and I couldn't believe how much his hair has changed during his first year. His whole look is different.

 Cute at any age, but I'm liking the current look a whole lot.