New goals to achieve, new summits to conquer

Yesterday I finally typed up my 2009 goals, as well as the goals that I have for Clara. There are thirteen for each of us. Actually, all of Clara's goals are really mine in a way, but they're just under a different heading so as to not overwhelm me.

I still use the same goal sheet format from the goals I had from my youngest years. Every new year for as long as I can remember, my dad would have each of us sit down to write our goals for the following year, and each month he would interview us to see how we were doing on our goals and also to help/comfort/be a listening ear for any other concerns. I greatly value the time my dad took with each of us, individually, to get to know us and see how we were doing spiritually, emotionally, academically, etc.

I happen to have a file folder with some of my old goals from past years. I always get a kick out of reading these. Among typical goals, like daily scripture study, frequent exercise, etc., I found these:

From February 1994 (age 11):

1. To create a business selling candy and ice cream during the summer vacation
2. To be able to stretch into a split [!]
3. To wake at the rising of the sun (during the summer), and to be in bed by 8:45
4. To increase my knowledge of sewing
5. To maintain a vegetable and flower garden

From January 1997 (age 14):

1. Put $10 in bank each month
2. Practice cooking 2 a month [I'm assuming that meant 2 times a month]

From January 1999 (age 16):

1. Stop popping my knuckles [haven't conquered that one yet]

This year, my goals for Clara are things that she needs to improve on based on my observation, her special education IEP (Individualized Education Plan), and her occupational therapist's suggestions. They include the following (among several others):

1. Dress and undress myself [Clara] daily
2. Learn to use scissors
3. Learn to draw a face, stick figure
4. Learn to ride tricycle
5. Be fully (day) potty trained by July 1

The things that I would love the most for Clara to achieve is to learn to be more compliant in following directions and to experience, and even initiate, more positive peer-age social interactions. These two areas are struggles for her.

Looking back on 2008, she has made progress in many areas. If it weren't for her challenges, we would be completely lacking in appreciation for these small, tender mercies that we experience throughout a year's passing. We recognize and are grateful for her less frequent meltdowns in overwhelming situations, for her letting Michael brush her teeth more willingly, for more eye contact and lots more hugs and kisses and more desire for our company and approval, for her learning to say a prayer, for her learning to sit on a "big kid swing," for her positive interactions with other adults and for learning to respond "Good" when asked, "How are you?" In fact, typing these all down brings tears to my eyes as I see her growth and development.

Even so, lately I have been struck by my habit of looking at Clara in terms of "progress": "How is she doing?" equals "How is she progressing? Is she catching up? Is she more normal?" I don't want to equate her progress with her value as a person. I've always been an achievement-focused person--always seeking for the best grades, perfection, involvement in lots of activities, etc. etc. I found my worth in whatI did instead of who I inherently was. Not that there's something wrong with valuing achievement because I feel that achievements and success are important. With Clara, I want to be grateful for her developmental progress, but most especially, I want to more fully rejoice in her spirit, in who she is. We know that she is not only our daughter, but more importantly, that she is a daughter of our Heavenly Father, and that He loves her perfectly and has sent her here to earth to succeed, to play an important role in His plan.

At times I blanch in anxiety over her future, but I have faith and hope that the Lord will help me and Michael, and help her, to become the person she is meant to be during her time here on earth. I know that through the Atonement of Christ, He will make weak things become strong (Ether 12:27). How wonderful to know that truly, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" (Philippians 4:13).


So, looking to 2009, I hope to achieve these goals. But, as my husband likes to say, "Goals are stars to steer by, not sticks to beat yourself with."