Keith and Bethany's Cookout

Last week we were able to drive down to Georgia to witness the sealing of Michael's sister, Bethany, to her fiance, Keith Wright, in the Atlanta temple. It was a beautiful ceremony and the Wright family is awesome.

The night before, they held a cookout for friends and well-wishers.

Isn't my dad a handsome guy? It was so fun to be able to stay with them during our visit--we hadn't been to their house in over two and a half years (since before they left on their mission).

My parents are the veterans of seven wedding receptions and were great help in the kitchen.

 The Weilers made sure there were plenty of toys for any interested childers. No surprise that Robbie loves riding toys.

Tabitha was the photographer, and since we foolishly forgot the office camera for her to use, we ended up renting one from a place in Atlanta. Pretty spiffy-looking.

 Robbie enjoyed throwing the ball to Uncle Erik.

 Clara and cousin Jane.

With the happy couple!

Trying to get a family pic is always awesome.

What we've been up to

Michael was out of town for nine days on a man trip out to Oregon with four of his brothers and his dad, and we tried to keep busy in his absence. The evenings and mornings were pretty boring without wrestling and gorilla running, but at least the kids were clean (mostly) and fed (albeit not nearly so well as they are when Michael is home).

 There was quite a bit of indoor riding. Backward helmet optional.

Clara enjoyed commandeering one of Robbie's riding toys occasionally.

 The back yard vegetable beds were prepped . . .

. . . and planted. We'll see what lasts and hope the deer/bugs don't glut themselves on our labors.

Lots of food was eaten. 

I insist that Robbie eats hummus with some sort of dipping utensil. I gave him a spoon, but he really just wants to use his fingers. He did the same thing with ice cream the other day. I told him that eating ice cream was a privilege and if you want to eat it, you have to use a spoon. Some things are fine for fingers, but I draw the line at ice cream and hummus.

The other night I made a "bean box" for the kids to play with as I was trying to make dinner. They loved it. This photo was taken before the beans were poured all over the place, and after continually trying to keep them on the blanket, I said bye-bye to the bean box. Then, a dear friend, Laura Rhodes (former employee of Michael's), dropped by with a pizza because she knew we were alone. How thoughtful was that! I was very touched.

We were all so glad when Daddy came home late Saturday night!

Purple belt

Clara earned her purple belt last week. She participated with her class in the belt promotion the previous week but had declined doing the kata sequence in front of the class, so she couldn't receive her new belt. Her instructor was very accommodating and arranged to have a private session where she could do the belt promotion all by herself without people watching.

 Michael was out of town, so Robbie and I sat inside the studio on the side. Robbie loved all the karate equipment. (Hi big toe in the corner!)

 Mr. Matt, her instructor, helped her go through all the kicks and punches and the kata. She's moving so fast it's blurry!

 A great feeling of accomplishment.

We went to Chickfila for dessert to celebrate, and Clara got to use her A/B Honor Roll gift certificate on an ice dream cup. It's tough that Robbie wants whatever Clara gets, so we shared a little kids' cup, too.

We aren't going to be continuing karate anymore, but I am glad we did it. Clara is said to not be continuing, but for many reasons we are stopping (too much going on after school, she also started piano, the expense, and plus we are starting a new therapy program with her). Perhaps some day we'll start up again.

Way to go, kiddo!

Big Rocks

"Hey, Brittany! How are you doing?"

"Hey ___! Things are going well. Busy but good."

I feel like "busy" is always the answer I give. Is it good to be busy?

I'm not really sure. I completely agree with President Dieter F. Uchtdorf who said,

Let’s be honest; it’s rather easy to be busy. We all can think up a list of tasks that will overwhelm our schedules. Some might even think that their self-worth depends on the length of their to-do list. They flood the open spaces in their time with lists of meetings and minutia—even during times of stress and fatigue. Because they unnecessarily complicate their lives, they often feel increased frustration, diminished joy, and too little sense of meaning in their lives.

I honestly don't really know how to not be busy. I feel uncomfortable when there is empty space--I am the person who looks on her phone at the stoplight, trying to "use my time wisely." It is hard for me to tune in while I'm eating or playing so I can really be in the moment. My challenge to really just sit on the floor and play without my mind being on my to-do list is one of the main reasons I have as my yearly theme to "Be Present."

I don't want to say that I'm busy. Who cares about being busy? That's kind of a nonissue these days, you know? Who do you know that ISN'T busy? Even six-year-olds are busy with their lessons and activities in this day and age. Being busy isn't the point. Being engaged in the most important things--that is the point.

You know that object lesson with the jar and the rocks and sand, trying to fit it all in? You put the sand in first, and then there's no room for the big rocks and the smaller rocks. You put the big rocks in first, and then the smaller rocks and the sand somehow fall into place around the rocks and you have time for it all. When I put my study and prayer first, I somehow have time for the rest. But when I put everything else first, I never have enough time.

There's so much I want to do in life, so much I want to be better at. I want to get better at cleaning my house, organize the basement, teach my children better, connect with them more meaningfully, plan more meaningful Family Home Evenings, improve my voice and piano skills, reach out and share the gospel more, find time to practice yoga, improve my date nights with Michael, stop worrying about the future, enjoy the present, savor and tune in more when I'm eating, really drink deeply from the scriptures, pay off our debts sooner, improve my prayers and curb my self-criticism. So much to do.

I tried getting up at 4:15 for a week or so and just decided my body couldn't handle it--I was so so tired and felt my body was worn down. I wanted to get more done but just couldn't push my body that far. I still get up early but not that early.

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, one of my favorite apostles, said the following in 2002, and it has stuck with me ever since (my emphasis added):

Sometimes we feel that the busier we are, the more important we are—as though our busyness defines our worth. Brothers and sisters, we can spend a lifetime whirling about at a feverish pace, checking off list after list of things that in the end really don’t matter.

That we do a lot may not be so important. That we focus the energy of our minds, our hearts, and our souls on those things of eternal significance—that is essential.

And then I read this on Stephanie Nielsen's blog just a few days ago:

Don’t teach your children that you can multitask 

them and your social media accounts.

Someday they will do the same to you,

and you wont like it.

I have been pondering things like "once a month cooking," books like Slow Family Living (haven't read it, debating on buying it), and how to make the time for the most important things. I have been thinking about how to be still, how to be okay with not "accomplishing things," what to remove from my life to improve it, what to do with our time this summer in terms of what skills to teach Clara, how to find time for myself, what to do as a family, etc. I am not one of the "let's just sleep in and relax" type of people. And that's okay. I want to work with who I am while also trying to be the BEST version of myself--a type-A person who also knows how to "schedule nothingness."

I realized that I am not really good at much. I am decent at some things and mediocre at others. I'm not being a martyr here. But wouldn't it be great to be AWESOME at praying and studying my scriptures? At being the BEST wife to my husband, at being a SUPER KIND mom and a THOUGHTFUL friend? All subjective, I know. But I don't want to be a jack of all trades and a master of none. President Uchtdorf reminds me of what my priorities are: (1) my relationship with God; (2) my relationship with my family; (3) my relationship with others; and (4) my relationship with myself. Frankly, when numbers one and two are good, the rest seem to fall into place and I am pretty happy. But when I am spending too much time online finding new recipes for dinner, researching how to irrigate Clara's ears, and trying to find a cute, modest bathing suit that will fit and that I won't hate for the summer, I am wasting valuable time. Not that some time on those things is bad because it's not. But it all goes back to the rocks and the sand in the jar concept.

Big rocks for me (DAILY REQUIREMENTS):

(1) daily personal and family prayer (twice daily)
(2) daily personal and family scripture study
(3) total facetime (meaning I am into that family member completely) at least once everyday with each member of my family, for however long I can in that time--maybe 30 minutes, maybe 10, maybe an hour
(4) reaching out to someone personally everyday
(5) exercising (5-6 days)

Small rocks for me (DAILY NEEDS):

(1) Cleaning something at home, go to bed with kitchen clean
(2) Checking FB and keeping in touch with others, keeping my inbox small,
(3) updating finances
(4) Planning menus, cooking, baking
(5) Teaching, playing, working with kids

Sand (WEEKLY NEEDS, sometimes more or less, varies):

(1) Blogging
(2) Working at the office (once a week)
(3) Practicing voice and piano
(4) Shopping
(5) Preparing for calling
(6) Random projects 

None of these thoughts are new. It's just what's on my mind of late. 

Easter weekend fun

Last weekend was Clara's "spring holiday," a one-day break since their spring break was taken away after fifteen snow days this year. We decided to spend the night in D.C. and enjoy the zoo and the temple.

Don't look so excited, kids.

Actually, they were very excited to see the animals. Clara wanted to see the pandas, but the line was so long we just couldn't justify the wait.

 We did enjoy the apes, although I think my favorite was the tortoise. I just love that they've been around for so long and yet are so gosh darn slow. We decided that while the National Zoo is a nice visit since it's free admission (you do pay for parking), having to walk over a mile and a half to get back to the car after walking up and down the hilly zoo made for a pretty tiring day.

On Saturday, I told Clara that I was going to take pictures of her and Robbie in front of the temple to frame pics for their rooms. (Here's more info on LDS temples if you're interested.) Those who cooperated earned a treat. Whatever it takes, folks.

 Robbie looks like he could sit there forever, doesn't he? Appearances can be deceiving.

Ah, that's more like it.

 Okay, Robbie look at the temple. Or the flowers. Just face away from me and pretend you're pondering on the eternities.

 Good, now smile and look as cute as possible. Perfect.

 Hey, we stepped back in time!

 Oh phew, 2014 again. My darling daughter, please don't grow up anymore. You are looking way too grown-up and beautiful.

 Don't smile, Robbie. Don't do it. Resist the urge to be adorable!

 We ended our Saturday with a very brief indoor egg hunt.

 Pretty lame, but the kids didn't seem to mind that every egg only had three options of candy.

It's all about the anticipation anyway, right?

Sunday was great with neighbors for brunch, inspiring messages during church, and the missionaries and other folks for dinner (read: I overscheduled and it was actually crazy busy but we made it and felt at the end of the day that our "offering" was accepted of the Lord). Of course, these events don't compare to the glorious gift of a risen Savior. Thank Heaven for Easter!

Each a different tree

One of my inherent weaknesses is that I compare myself to others and worry about what they think of me. This has caused me grief on innumerable occasions as I've spoiled an otherwise happy time with thoughts of "I'm never going to be as good as . . ." or "How does she do . . . ?" or "What if they think . . . ?" I am gradually getting better, but I still struggle against it.

I enjoy metaphors and found one that really resonated with me. I'm sure it's been thought of before, but my thoughts are as follows.

Last year, my sister gave me the book A Joyful Mother of Children by Linda Eyre. I confess I was reluctant to read it because I thought, Aack, another book by an amazing woman with nine children who will make me feel even more inadequate than I already do. (But I did still appreciate the gift!) However, I did glean some valuable insights from it, one of which is as follows (bolds are my additions):

"Another thing that I learn more surely as my children grow and mature is that babies come with very distinct and clear personalities. You don't make them who they are. You just help them refine what they already are. Happily, the absurd notion that children are like clay and can be molded into whatever parents want them to be has changed to the reality that they are seedlings, needing water and light and fertilizer to become who they were meant to be."

As a parent, I can't force my child to be someone he or she isn't, just as I wouldn't dream of changing an oak into a red maple. This concept doesn't just apply to children. We are each a different kind of tree. Granted, parents and children have similar characteristics, and we all have the commonality of being of one "genus." However, we are each unique. We each serve a different purpose.

(Monticello 2014)

Some trees are tall, imposing, and grand, like the California redwoods. Others are small and blend in completely their surroundings. Some trees, like the dogwood, look gorgeous in one season and rather plain the rest of the time. Other trees, like the evergreens, are appreciated most in the welcome contrast they provide in the dark winter months. Some thrive in unfriendly environments as they've had to adapt to their difficult climates and terrain. Some trees look gangly or unkempt on the outside but are strong inwardly, whereas others that look beautiful and symmetrical (I'm thinking Bradford pear trees) are structurally weak and split easily in any adverse storm. Some are very useful, like the lumber used from those boring tall pine trees, but aren't particularly eye-catching. Apple and pear trees provide fabulous fruit but are without the romantic grace of the willow.

(Monet's garden, Giverny France, 2001)

The metaphors are easy to draw here. One tree is not less important than another. Who would want to look at a whole forest full of one kind of tree? Even though I love cherry blossoms, I would grow very tired of them if they were all I saw every day. The combination of short and tall, narrow and wide, twisted and straight provide the beauty and diversity that we enjoy and take for granted. I might not look as gorgeous as the mother who's had five children and looks like she's newly married, but I can be grateful for the trunk I have that keeps me strong. I might not be as useful as a cedar or as elegant as a birch, but I can be the best version of the tree I am. I can shelter my little saplings under my branches, reach my branches as high as they can go, and dig my roots deep in the earth to provide shade for some weary fellow sojourner on earth. How boring would life be if everyone had the same interests and talents and abilities, if everyone looked the same and talked the same?

I was talking with a friend one day about this and we both agreed that it's easy to unconsciously take the bits of each of the women we admire and create a mega-person to which we compare ourselves, a person who doesn't even exist. How laughable--and frankly, ugly--would a tree be that "had it all": the height of the Hyperion (the tallest living tree), the blossoms of a redbud, the bark of a beech, the leaves of a maple, the width of the baobab, and the branches of the sequoia? Eesh.

If I want to be the best tree that only I can be (still puzzling on what variety I am), I must remember that while my Father in Heaven made each tree different, He gave us each the same needs--light, water, and nourishment.

Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life. (John 8:12)

"But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life." (John 4:14)

But if ye will nourish the word, yea, nourish the tree as it beginneth to grow, by your faith with great diligence, and with patience, looking forward to the fruit thereof, it shall take root; and behold it shall be a tree springing up unto everlasting life. (Alma 32:41)

He is the one who can make me into the tree I am meant to be.

 I hope to spend out my life like the tree in Shel Silverstein's The Giving Tree, who gives her whole life up in love and sacrifice. We might not feel like our branches are good enough, but they are good enough for a bird to rest on or a child to swing from. We might not be covered in lights at Rockefeller Center,

 but we can live our whole lives reaching up to the true source of all Light and peace. And, as the giving tree bemoans the fact that she is nothing more than a stump at the end of the book, I can say like the tree does,

"'Well, an old stump is good for sitting and resting. Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest.' And the boy did. And the tree was happy."

We are each needed and valued at every season in our lives with each of our unique contributions. The best way to be happy with ourselves is to love the kind of tree we are. 

Monticello

A highlight of the Weilers' visit was a trip to Monticello, just outside of Charlottesville. Having never visited his home before, I enjoyed learning about Thomas Jefferson's life while at Monticello and seeing all his gadgets. A very fascinating and inspiring, if not controversial, man.

 The weather is finally spring-like here, and the weather was pretty perfect. Our tour guide pointed out that now we can say we've looked through the windows that are on the back of a nickel (I honestly never realized that that was Monticello).

 How did I get so lucky to marry this nice (and handsome) guy?

 A fun surprise was that we were there for the celebration of Jefferson's 271st birthday. We were treated to a fife and drum presentation as well as to birthday cake. Sweet!

 The grounds were gorgeous. We could have spent quite a bit more time here (and inside as well) if time had permitted. It will be more to look forward to on the next visit.

Hooray for daffodils and for wonderful memories.

A visit from the folks

Last week we had a wonderful visit from Michael's parents, his younger brother, Joseph (age 21, recently returned from a mission to Rosario, Argentina), and his youngest sister, Melody (age 15). It  was so great having them all here.
 
 Robbie took to Joseph so quickly it was surprising. Robbie pretty much wanted to be with Joseph whenever he was around, and he especially enjoyed it when Joseph would acquiesce after he asked, "Kuck? Kuck?" (truck) and take him out to sit in the cab of their truck.

 He also liked Melody and went to her easily, which is also surprising considering his reluctance to hang out with the young women at church. She's just got a way (with Clara, too).

 At the park we enjoyed a windy picnic of PBJ and strawberries as well as a memorable but unfortunately (or fortunately) unphotographed moment where Grandpa nearly fell into the river saving a runaway napkin.

 How lucky am I to love being with my mother-in-law.

 Everyone was so nice and considerate to Clara. I wish I could say that she always responded in kind, but they were patient and charitable even when she wasn't her best self. Sigh. There were some good moments as well, though, which I need to focus on.

 I've been thinking a lot about what I want in the backyard in terms of play equipment. I saw this "slacker line" and thought that it would be a fun and unusual toy. It's basically a tight-rope with a guide line that you hang on to until you can balance without it.

 Clara really likes it and Robbie wants to use it but isn't quite there yet. I didn't realize how much it would look like caution tape, but oh well.

Michael's dad graciously helped him in the rain putting in holes for some light poles on the back patio. Apparently it was good bonding time, but I confess it didn't look very fun to me.

This time of year

Lately I've been thinking about what we were doing at this time last year and the year before. 

 Two years ago this week, I was down in Atlanta visiting my family for spring break--Hyrum and Clara and I drove down (I was pregnant with Robbie.) I loved my time with Bryan and Emily in Atlanta.

Last year at this time, Hyrum and Clara were out hunting for Easter eggs. Gosh I miss that kid. Boy. Man. Missionary.

 Last year at this time, the innards of our house looked like this.

We could picture the patio, but there was still lots and lots of clay.

 And this year at this time, we are finally enjoying some beautiful days outside, eating dinner on the screened-in porch for the past three nights and playing in the yard . . . or eating weeds.

 Wagons are much more fun when you have someone along for the ride.

Hooray for April!