Gulp . . . I did it!

Well, I finally took the plunge yesterday and chopped Clara's hair. It was the fourth time I've cut it since she was born, but this time I cut off about six or seven inches. Yikes! I was pretty traumatized at first, but Clara was happy as a clam sitting in her booster seat and watching Max and Ruby. She kept shaking her hair--you probably know that feeling of releasing such a heavy hair burden.

Ode to Mr. Bear

I would like to wax eloquent about Clara's little stuffed bear, Mr. Bear. He has been with us since Clara's first Easter, over three years ago, given to her by my mom. An important member of our family, Mr. Bear has sat with us at dinner, accompanied us to church over 150 times, been a perpetual car-rider and errand-runner, traveled across the country twice, accepted many band-aids, spills, dirt stains, germs, and innumerable other evidences of a little girl's love.

Most especially, he has been a tremendous source of comfort. He comforted Clara on three separate occasions when nurses attempted to draw blood and when Clara got her MRI. He has helped her get through difficult OT/PT sessions, overwhelming playdates, and on trips when Mom and Dad were away. Clara has slept only one night without him, and it was the saddest six hours of sleep ever. For both of us.

It is time to confess. As time has passed, I have grown very fond of Mr. Bear as well. He has been a crutch for me and I would always make sure she had him for nursery, outings, etc. so that she would have her "comfort object." I now have developed a sixth sense for Mr. Bear's whereabouts to ensure that we do not lose him (which has almost happened on several occasions).

However, I feel that the time has come for Mr. Bear to be not quite so ever-present in our lives. For over a week now, Mr. Bear has remained at home for nearly all of our outings (I do let him attend Sacrament meeting, but not nursery). Clara has held up very well, which further cements my conviction that this weaning is time-appropriate. Now, lest you fear we have abandoned him altogether, let me assure that she still carries him all around the house, asks for him frequently, and sleeps with him. I am fine with that. Eventually we'll get to the point where he is just for bed, but for now, this will do.

I love you, Mr. Bear. Thank you for being there for us. We will make sure you are around for many years to come.

P.S. And if Clara ever outgrows you, you will always have a place with me.

THEN.

NOW.

To cut or not to cut?

I'll get to the point of this post at the end . . .

I could have taken pictures of other happenings from this week, like the following:

• Clara taking off her poopy diaper during her "quiet time" in her room and getting poop all over her bedspread, on the floor, and on last year's clothing that she had taken out of the closet;
• My having to wash three loads of laundry (thanks to the above incident);
• My scrubbing her bedspread with an old toothbrush (see above)
  
• My washing her floor (ditto)
• Clara putting on--no joke--seven pairs of underwear AT ONCE, with one pair on correctly
• Clara wrecking her room and moving her furniture during her "quiet times."

Instead, I'll pretend all of those things never happened and post pretty pics of our visit to the park before library story time today.

Which leads me to the question of the day: Should I cut Clara's hair short? I'm talking chin-length. I love her hair long, but with its natural wave it is somewhat unmanageable at times, particularly with the humidity. I probably should have done it at the beginning of the summer, but now that it will be fall (relatively) soon, I have very mixed feelings. Any thoughts?

It's not all about ME

"It" in the title refers to motherhood. I feel like my peace or frustration with Clara come in waves--sometimes I am just so proud of the progress she is making, and other times I feel like she's regressed and life is stagnant with everyday the same, dealing with the same discouraging issues. The past couple of months we have noticed improvements in Clara's social interactions, particularly with other children one on one. We have also noticed increased eye contact, more flexibility and obedience, and just a greater level of understanding on her part of what is expected of her. They are probably imperceptible changes to others, and they're not consistent, but Michael and I feel to thank our Heavenly Father for His tender mercies.

And then we have a week like this one has mostly been, with a lot of disobedience, defiance, difficulties with other children, etc. etc. Some days have left me in tears, and yesterday was a particularly discouraging one. Instead of turning to the Savior for strength, I turned my thoughts inward to my own inadequacies. Those "why" questions pop up a lot when I feel discouraged--why can't I have a "normal" child? Why aren't we being blessed with more children? Et cetera et cetera.

Residency has also been very stressful for Michael, and he has a lot on his plate right now. But, as usual, he put his heavy load aside for me last night and comforted me. As we turned to the Lord for guidance, I recognized that so many of my "mothering issues" have been about me. Me me me. Don't get me wrong, often I am aching for Clara and worrying for her and her future and whether she can make friends, survive school, get a job, get married, reach her full potential, etc. But other times, I've thought, "Why can't I have the precocious child?" "Why can't I enjoy the milestones that other moms do, at the right times (and not a year and a half later)?" "This is just too hard (for me)."

I was reminded last night that we as mothers make sacrifices. Big sacrifices. And they can't be for ourselves, so we can "look good." They are for the children we have borne, who we will never give up on, who we will do all that we can for (just ignore those dangling prepositions, okay?). It is for Clara that I must swallow my pride and mothering expectations and learn to put aside the petty wishes of my "instant gratification" heart ("I want results! Now!"). Patience is obviously something I need to work on.

Needless to say, my faith in my Savior, Jesus Christ, grows when I remember that He has felt my pain and knows my struggles. And my struggles are so small compared to the devastating battles that so many women fight each day, all around me and all around the world. Even with all the minutiae of mankind's existence, He knows me--each of us--personally and has encircled me in the arms of His love.

I am learning to look upon motherhood as a chance to become acquainted with God. It's a work in progress.

Fabulous Fun with T 'n T

We had a blast this weekend when Michael's younger sister, Tabitha, her husband, Tommy, and their little boy, Adam, came to visit for a few days. They seemed to tolerate us and the leaky air mattress they had to sleep on fairly well. It was so fun to hang out with them.

Clara liked "baby Adam" and did pretty well with him, all things considered. Clara really liked Tabitha and Tommy . . . we heard "Hi Tommy!" and "Hi Tabitha!" peppered throughout our conversations.

Beautiful Tabitha and Adam, hanging out by the canal.

The water felt soooo good--Clara wanted to jump in. (We all did.)

Swimming in the backyard . . . check out the facial expression on each of these crazy characters.

Daddy is da bomb!

Tommy and Adam. Don't you think Adam has the cutest smile ever?!

Clara and her sidekick, Mr. Bear.

Daddy's little girl!

This is my "Clarapleaselookatthecamerasowecantakethedadgumpicture" expression. Picturesque, isn't it?

Oh Atlanta . . . I hear you calling . . .

Here are some pics from our recent ATL trip(s).

Going out to eat with my parents. Ted Turner's Montana Grill . . . scrumptious.

At the World of Coke--Clara loved this polar bear!

At the Georgia Aquarium--Clara saying "cheese!"

At the American Girl bistro--many of my fabulous nieces with their dolls. (Check out the sweet chairs they have for the dolls to sit at the table, too.)

Sweet cousins!

Here with my sister, Heather, and my sister-in-law, Tana.

The new look

Today when I came in to Clara's room after her nap, I came upon this scene:

I had no idea Clara was such a fashion diva . . . one red sock, one pink sock, crocs on the wrong feet, and pink underwear on the head.

Now that's stylin', baby.

(NOTE: Yes, she fell asleep like that. No, she couldn't take the underwear off her head without my help.)

Nothing too exciting

I forgot to use my camera on my recent trip back to see my family, so cute pics of all the festivities will have to wait until my sister and mom can generously email them to me. We had a fabulous time hanging out with my big sister, Heather, and her five kids. They were so sweet and patient with Clara, especially John Morgan, her oldest cousin there, whom Clara adored and would follow around repeating, "Hi John Morgan!" "Hi John Morgan!" They were all so cute with her. Duncan, who is Clara's age, would sometimes stroke Clara's hair as she walked by or pat her on the back. I wish I could say she returned the compliment, but all in all she did very well. I even gave Duncan and Clara a bath together, and she didn't freak out! We went to the new World of Coke, the Aquarium, and, the highlight of the trip :-), we went to the new American Girl Doll store and bistro. Clara loved the bitty babies, and I enjoyed taking a walk down memory lane when I got out all of my doll Samantha's stuff for the nieces to use. It made me want to be nine again! So, anyway, pics will be forthcoming, hopefully.

Random pics

Exploring our inner hip hop.

Dressing outside the box.

Braving Mount Everest. Blind.


Occasionally, during procrastination sessions such as the one I'm currently in, I like to look at old pics of Clara one, two, or three years ago. This was last summer, sporting stylish swim goggles.

July 2006.

July 2005. First solid food!

Please Clara-fy

Clara's current obsession is calling us any number of names in order to have us pretend to be that person. Her current favorites are Cookie Monster, Oscar the Grouch, the Count, teacher, doctor, baby, etc. She'll come up to us and say, "Hi, Cookie Monster," expecting us to respond and talk to her in the Cookie Monster voice (Michael is a master at it, although his imitation is sort of a mix with Yoda, too). Tonight we had a new one:

CLARA (to Michael): Hi, Joseph Smith.

MICHAEL (after much laughter on our part): Hi, Clara. Did you know that when I was a fourteen-year-old boy I went into a grove of trees and prayed to Heavenly Father to know what church to join? Who visited me?

CLARA: Jesus. (She knows that's the right answer to most of our "who" Gospel-related questions.)

MICHAEL: That's right. And who else?

CLARA: And Grandpa!

(laughter)

MICHAEL: No, who else?

CLARA: Nana!

Somehow making another connection, she then went and grabbed a blanket and came back and tried to wrap it around Michael, wanting him to be Samuel the Lamanite (from a recent Family Home Evening lesson where he used the blanket as a cape).

Rainbows and other stuff

We finally got some decent rain here this evening. We also were delighted to see a double rainbow arching perfectly over our house.


An update on us: Michael began his ortho residency this past week and is already loving it. I am so grateful that he gets to do something he really enjoys as his profession. I'll be feeling slightly lonely since he'll be gone on some conferences over the next few months, but I'm glad we used the time after graduation to accomplish so many projects and enjoy our time together. Clara is doing well. As time passes, I feel like I am becoming more accepting of her (and our) situation and challenges. I am learning to let go of the "precocious, perfect child" image I've had in my head and accept and enjoy her for who she is instead of trying to fit her into the mold of the child we expected. It's a daily challenge, but I am also learning to have faith in Christ's ability to make my mothering weaknesses into strengths as well as learning to rely on Him more. I know that He will make our burdens easier and lighter when we come to Him. And I know that we will do all that we can to make sure Clara becomes the person that Heavenly Father wants her to become. Like the promise that the rainbow symbolizes, we know that all of God's promises will be fulfilled. What a comfort!

4th of July happenings

We are currently spending the weekend with our families in ATL and are having a great time. Here are a few of the highlights thus far.

Clara wearing some of her great-grandmother's jewelry. Please excuse the crazy morning hair.

My brother Clay's birthday is on the 4th, so they've made a tradition of having a cookout at their house to celebrate the country's birthday as well as his. Here my dad organized a children's parade--the grandkids are marching to some excellent patriotic Sousa marches.

Clara with Bapa.

Bringing up the rear of the parade.

Here my dad is giving a little patriotic devotional to the grandkids. Clara and Rowan (her cousin on the front row) were particularly attentive.

Another cookout with Michael's family (yes, we ate way too much!). The blonde in the picture is a friend of the family.


Making sure that Grandma is making the ice cream properly (and chomping about four cups of ice along the way).

Clara in a "bear cave" at Nana and Bapa's house.

Swimming!

Yesterday we went swimming at a friend's house. It was last week that we went there and Clara fell and banged her face up, so as soon as we pulled up she said, "No no no . . . I don't want to go swimming!" However, after some cajoling, she got in the pool and loved it! A far cry from her experiences at pools last summer. I was very proud of her. Michael also did some fancy tricks on the diving board which I failed to capture here.

Our Little Rabbit

Clara has a rather un-childlike love for vegetables, as evidenced by this clip. If you turn up the volume enough, you can hear the Max and Ruby video playing in the background . . . fitting for our little bunny, don't you think?




I will be giving a parenting workshop (lesson title: how to make sure your kid listens to you and has good eating manners), if anyone is interested. (Call now and you can get five salsa lessons for free from Clara!)

A Shout-out

Just wanted to invite you to visit the blog of two of my talented friends. Safely Gathered In is a blog about how to be self-reliant--starting your own food storage and how to use it as well as being prepared in an emergency (to learn more about our church's efforts on preparedness and self-reliance, visit here. Abs and Hannah give you encouragement and insight into money management and frugality as well. Check it out.

Happenings

The owner of our house wanted to put some sod in our backyard--we happily agreed, so last week we helped lay sod. Clara made sure the dirt was adequately dirty and wet.
This hand was just the tip of the iceberg.
Pretty new sod!
Then on Monday we went to a friend's pool, and before we even got in the pool, Clara fell down the brick stairs and got some nasty owies. Here she is resting after another busy day.
Take a look at that shiner (the picture doesn't do it justice) . . . poor kid!

Treasure in the Trees

Michael was pruning a beautiful River Birch tree that we have growing in our front yard, and among the branches we discovered a bird's nest. Check out the shiny piece of tinsel amongst the other sundries the momma bird used to build her nest. And assume that the ladder is very stable.