The past couple of weeks I have been struggling with feelings of overwhelm and discouragement as I have tried to plan each summer day. For years, Clara's daily habit has been to ask me, typically multiple times a day, "What's the plan for tomorrow?" or "What's the plan for (fill in the blank)?" I have had to tell her many times this summer, "Well, after morning routine and our morning table time (a brief activity I do with the kids, like math on Mondays, craft on Tuesday, etc.), I don't know." Our usual summer activities of pool time, swim team, playdates, and visits to various playgrounds have been put on hold. We have successfully filled the time with neighbor playtime (a true tender mercy), a few outings a week, and are just branching out into hosting playdates, initially just outside only.
Still, while for other people in a different season of life this might be a time of self-reflection, spiritual growth, and simplicity, I feel myself pulled in every direction by concerns about each of my children, house projects, general high energy and noise and mess, and trying to meet the needs of each member of my home, including myself, not to mention those to whom I minister from church and trying to fulfill my calling as the Primary children's music leader in a meaningful way from a distance.
I have still managed to make time for self-reflection, but it has tended to be more a time of self-criticism and dismay at my weaknesses and insufficiencies and general laziness. After counseling with Michael and as I have pondered my situation, I have felt like because I am worried about the future (what will school be like? Should I just homeschool because it's probably all going to close down again anyway? How will Clara handle all of this? etc), my faith must not be strong. And that has felt even more discouraging.
However, one morning during my scripture study, I was thinking about the concept of the Savior's grace. My thoughts brought me to the concept of the yoke and oxen that Christ uses symbolically:
Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30)
I felt like I have been dragging this heavy bag filled with all these concerns down the path of life. I realized that I have essentially been in the harness alone, trying with all my might to be strong enough, faithful enough, disciplined enough to plow through this challenging time on my own. (Michael is my true partner in all things, but since he can't be with me during the day, I generally am trying to tackle these home concerns when he's not around.) However, if I acknowledge that I desperately need the Savior's help and am insufficient without Him, if I come to Him through childlike humility, He will gladly get into the harness with me, yoke me to Him, and He will help me pull my burden (doing the lion's share of it, no less).
For me, that "coming to Him" looks like awareness of my baptismal covenant to always remember Him:
consciously praying during the day when my kids are quarreling and I need the strength to use a calm voice or not react right away;
bringing awareness to my negative thoughts about myself and the future and re-framing them, changing my self-limiting beliefs to ones of confidence;
choosing to see in gratitude the blessings I have without fearing of how long they'll last or if they'll be taken away
For example, an unconscious self-limiting thought I often have is "I can't do this," or "I am never going to improve." I can pray to be aware of those thoughts and then upgrade them with thoughts like, "I am strong enough to handle this with the Lord's help," and "I have done hard things before and I can do them again." I know I have felt Jesus Christ's redeeming power through forgiveness of my sins, and now I seek His enabling power even more earnestly as I carry my burdens with Him as my full partner in the yoke. Worst case scenarios will become the best scenario for my benefit if I turn to my Father in Heaven and His Son.
So with greater recognition of my dependence on heavenly help, I "press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect [well, maybe an imperfect] brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men" (2 Nephi 31:20) with the faith that I can do all
needful things through Christ as He strengthens me. And I know He can do the same for you.