It's hard to believe, but our little baby girl is now thirteen years old. Thirteen! She was very excited for her birthday, counting the days down.
She started the day off with her usual chosen cereal, Lucky Charms.
Playing "heavy heavy hang over" with Robbie to open presents.
She was excited to receive her gifts and was happy with them. It is hard shopping for her sometimes!
After presents, we went out for lunch. She wanted to go to Kyoto for her birthday, a Japanese steakhouse here in town. We enjoyed a yummy meal there for lunch--Clara loves rice and ate a lot. Robbie and Henry enjoyed the fire (well, Henry wasn't sure how he felt about it), and the tricks from the chef. We had leftovers for dinner!
Getting ready to blow out the candles . . .
She couldn't decide what she wanted for her birthday dessert, so I suggested what I was in the mood for :-), a no-bake cheesecake. She thought that was a great idea--a win-win!
Now for thoughts and an update on Clara. I think it's important to focus on the good things, but I also want to record the hard things because I feel like they're important, too. I imagine one day we'll look back on these days and be amazed at how far she has come.
Clara continues to grow and improve, but in some areas the growth is still to come (ahem). Like communication, for example. She still has a hard time using her words when she's upset and still frequently hits, kicks, pulls hair, or scratches. These are behaviors that I really hoped would be done by now. She has lately taken to taking things that don't belong to her "because I want it!" (her words). I don't think it's a conscious "I'm stealing this" thought but more of an impulsive "Ooh, look, I like that, I am taking it." Not a lot of thinking to the consequences going on sometimes. It's super frustrating because I'll find my pack of gum, or a toy that belongs to Robbie, or whatever, in her room. I will dole out consequences, etc. but it doesn't seem to change the behavior. I am currently having her repeat, "I will not take things that do not belong to me" every time I find her having taken something. There is also not a ton of improvement in terms of personal hygiene or room cleaning--I am still having to remind her to do basic things, help significantly with hair washing, etc. School is better than it was at the beginning of seventh grade, mercifully, but continues to have the usual challenges of her not wanting to do something and just not doing it, or getting mad at someone, etc. At times I have anxiety about her social situation and worry if she's sitting alone at lunch, but she does seem to have a couple of friends (ish) that she sits with. There are times when she'll share her feelings out of the blue and say "Nobody likes me!" or share that someone has been mean (there are a couple of boys on the bus in particular--I've talked to the bus driver and Clara is doing okay with it), but in general I don't really know what goes on or how she is processing things. She still struggles with explaining an event that happened that day, which is tough for me. She continues to pull the piece of hair that she started to pull last year in sixth grade--she'll start the day with her hair up, and then it's down by the time she comes home with the front piece greasy and pulled out and I can tell she's been playing with it. She tells me it calms her. She still pulls hair from her socks and clothing, especially while she's on her ADHD medication, which makes her pick at things more. And she also has learned unkind words at school (swear words as well, which she tells me uses at school but then also tells me she doesn't, so I don't know) and will sometimes tell them to her brothers, which breaks my heart. Henry can now say, "You're stupid." Awesome. She also still has a hard time with fine motor skills, like using fingernail clippers, and doesn't enjoy physical activity. Her preferred activity is to watch a screen or read a book. She has lately been trying to leave the chapel during Sacrament meeting because she's bored, and we sometimes have scuffles where I am whispering to her as she tries to climb over me to leave that if she leaves I will just go and find her and follow her wherever she is and be super annoying until she comes back in. :-) She has a hard time judging amounts and likes to squeeze out tons of shampoo, or dip at the table (although she has really improved with the dip) and prefers using at least four ponytail holders in her hair to make her ponytail really tight. Braces maintenance has been a real bear, so we are taking them off early because the hygiene isn't good--we follow up nightly but it's a far cry from what it should be--and we don't think she'll tolerate getting the teeth pulled (at least at this point) that need to be taken to help improve her bite.
But in other ways, she is really growing. Like last year, she learned to put her hair up in a ponytail or even in a bun. How great is that! She has let me do her hair in different ways as well, which she hasn't let me do for several years. She has learned to brush it better and has actually kept her pierced ears functioning for over a year. I thought they'd be grown in by now, but she has even learned to take her earrings out by herself. She still can't put earrings in by herself yet, but still, that is awesome. She will sometimes sing the hymns with me in Sacrament meeting, which warms my heart, and gives wonderful hugs and kisses. She almost always remembers what the talks were about, even if she appears to not be paying attention. She has done her homework independently a few times this year, and she is getting more consistent at making her bed in the morning (it helps that she doesn't get to use my iPod shuffle if she doesn't do her morning routine). She is more mindful of the passage of time and will get herself ready and out the door sometimes all by herself. She has impressed me with her hard work at school--I know she is trying her best, even when things are hard for her. Her good memory has helped her be successful in social studies, and she still enjoys reading (although it is typically far below her ability, like graphic novels). Math and critical thinking skills (as well as organization) are very tough, but she keeps trying, which is awesome. Her youthful interests are endearing (she loves Garfield, Charlie Brown, Dora, and Between the Lions), and she is very sensitive to frightening media. As she's gotten older and Michael has continued to reach out to her, she now she really enjoys it when he reads Harry Potter to her (and especially when he pretends to be Ron) and he can help her when I am too angry with her to work with her. She continues to be very sweet with Henry (although she is often the opposite with Robbie), and I am grateful for the bond that they currently enjoy. She is so cute with little babies and toddlers and does a great job of entertaining them for short periods of time. She likes listening to the LDS Youth music page and has downloaded lots of those songs onto the iPod, which is great. Even though she is difficult when she's angry, her feelings are typically quite short-lived, a flash in the pan, and she can switch very quickly to a happy disposition (especially if you pretend to be someone!). She is often very sensitive to others with disabilities and gets concerned about me when I'm not feeling well (like with morning sickness). Her compassion is a gift.
Even though this journey with Clara is far from over, and there are definitely challenges I wish we had overcome by now, I am grateful for the young woman she is becoming and know she continues to show potential and possibilities for a bright future. She is doing well and I am proud of her.
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| A selfie I found on my phone today :-) |
Happy birthday, beautiful girl. We love you!!
