Proud to be a woman

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to watch a broadcast from Salt Lake for all the girls and women of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints ages eight and up. It was a late night for Clara, and I wasn't thrilled about keeping her up late after a late night the night before. However, I am so grateful that we went and felt the sisterhood of everyone there. After watching inspiring messages and videos testifying of Christ and our worth as daughters, sisters, and women at every season and stage of life, I have been thinking about the role of a woman.

(Me and my big sister Heather, circa 1988)

Growing up as the youngest with five older brothers and my sister being eleven years older, I sometimes resented being a girl. I wasn't ever really a tomboy, but I did wish that I could do some things that boys could do. Men have more muscle; they are (typically) more logical; they are (usually) more decisive; they don't have the body pressures that women have; they can lose fat more quickly; they can sing for longer into their older years than women.

(In the innocence of my youth I wished I could walk around without a shirt on like my brothers.)

I also have been annoyed by myself on many occasions. (Michael has come to understand that sometimes I cry and I am not exactly sure even why I am crying, but I nearly always feel better after I do.) I bemoan the focus on the body that women have or the expectations that our society places on women. I resent the cattyness that women can share at times. And while I'd love to have regular cycles so that I can conceive (hopefully again) in a predictable way, I have also wished that we didn't have to undergo that uncomfortable and sometimes miserable monthly occurrence for much of our lives.

And yet, I am proud to be a woman. I am thankful for my femininity. Even though women each share those "girly" traits in differing concentrations, each girl born to earth has those qualities that make her unique from a man. And while not every woman experiences all aspects of their potential on Earth (wife and mother, for example), they will have that promise in the next life. Even as I type it, I feel the Holy Ghost confirming to me the power and beauty of our differences. The Family: A Proclamation to the World declares "Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose." I know that I was a woman before I came to earth and I will be one after I die. How awesome is that!

(Even at age six, Clara knows she is awesome.)

The weaknesses of each gender are there to help draw us closer to Christ. Just as a weakness of the stereotypical male might be to be insensitive to the needs of others, a weakness of a woman might be to be too worried about what others think of her. These aren't sins; they are merely inherent "gifts" that force us to come to Him as we recognize our need for His help in our efforts to overcome our shortcomings. Like the Savior says in the Book of Mormon to the prophet Ether,

And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

 In the Church, worthy males hold the priesthood, but both men and women can partake of its power. I am thankful for this understanding and feel in no way less or unequal or below a man. The principle of the yin and yang from Chinese philosophy also sheds light on the topic. From Wikipedia I read:

Yin and yang can be thought of as complementary (instead of opposing) forces interacting to form a dynamic system in which the whole is greater than the parts. Everything has both yin and yang aspects, (for instance shadow cannot exist without light). Either of the two major aspects may manifest more strongly in a particular object, depending on the criterion of the observation.

 What a beautiful description of man and woman. Truly, we are so different and yet so important and powerful together. It is just as foolish to say that a woman doesn't need a man to be complete as to say that a man doesn't need a woman to be complete. Both genders are unique in their own purposes and missions, and their combined potential and power is limitless.

(circa 1990)

 (Christmas 2013)

And so, after this rambling, I wish to thank the women in my life who have influenced me. For my mother, my mother-in-law, my sister, my sisters-in-law, and my friends, each woman has taught me something about myself. I am deeply indebted to the men in my life--particularly my father and my husband--who have treated me, my mother, and all women with love and respect. I hope my children--of both genders--understand, respect, and rejoice in their divine differences that can enrich and strengthen each other. I want to help the young women in my ward understand their enormous potential for good and great influence as they stand for truth and righteousness in a decaying world. I bear testimony that the plan our Father in Heaven has for us is a perfect one. While we are not perfect, He loves us perfectly. And we can become the best women we can be through the enabling power of Christ's Atonement. 

A special visitor

So much for my "bevy of posts" that I warned would be coming at the end of March. Life has definitely sped up of late.

We were thrilled to have Michael's younger brother, David, come visit us for a day or so last week. During a very busy week in D.C., he took the time to travel over to these parts to hang out. 

 It started snowing when he arrived, but that didn't stop him from driving up into the Shenandoah Mountains for a run. (Those probably doesn't surprise those of you who know David.) That evening, we enjoyed some time in the thankfully-shallow snow.

Of course, there was some friendly snowball throwing (although at a tree, not each other).

Clara asked David to help her with her homework. He kindly obliged, and Clara loved it. So did we.

Thanks again, David, and for Char for sparing him! Hope to see you all again soon.

Before and after

A few weeks ago I decided to undergo my once every two or three year hair straightening drama.

 After blow drying.

After straightening.

All in all it took about 2 hours. Not terrible, but when it only lasts a day or two, definitely not worth it to do often. I didn't realize how long my hair had gotten so I got a few inches cut off later that week.

Weekend fun

This past weekend was a busy and fun one.

Friday afternoon after an assessment that we all participated in for a program we are beginning with Clara soon (more on that later), Clara and I had a mommy daughter date to enjoy a middle school production of Beauty and the Beast, Jr.

 It was a cute production, but frankly, eighty percent of the fun is in the anticipation. Clara would tell me every day last week, "Friday we're going to Beauty and the Beast, Jr, right, Mama?" She did a good job sitting in the folding seats (up until this year, literally, those types of chairs were scary for her and she wouldn't sit back in them).

Clara told me as we waited, "Thank you for inviting me to the play, Mama." Blow me over with a feather; boy, that filled me with gratitude.

A very small sixth-grade boy played Gaston but hammed it up well.  I was nervous about the scary wolf scene, but they had cleverly adapted it to have foxes instead, who danced to the music as Belle's father would cry out, "What does the fox say?"

While Michael was at work Saturday morning, we took advantage of a large cardboard box and made a house. They're the best. Another special quote: Clara told me as I was cutting out windows, "This is the best morning ever!! I love you love you love you!"

 One of my dreams is to ride bikes as a family. Coming from me, who am not a good biker, this is a big deal. I've just admired how Michael's family has used biking as a way to have a family activity that everyone can do. So Michael and I finally bought bikes, and a fabulous friend is letting us borrow their trailer for Robbie.

We have been working for quite a while on how to help Clara ride and participate until she can learn to balance and feel comfortable on a bike (we've tried lots of things), and the bike shop let us borrow a tag-along to see how we liked it. I think we'll get one, although there are disadvantages (it doesn't teach her balance, she doesn't have to pedal, and she doesn't learn to negotiate going down hills or turns, etc.). However, it was great to be able to do something that we all could participate in. We'll see how it goes. The current major downside is that our hilly neighborhood doesn't lend itself to biking with kids, so my supportive husband had to take half an hour to strap the trailer on top of the Subaru, the two bikes on the back on the bike rack, and the tag-along in the trunk. Phew.

Robbie tolerates being strapped in as long as we're moving, preferably very quickly.

We enjoyed the sun and are going to enjoy another potential snow storm this week. Come what may and love it.

St. Pat's

Being proud of my Irish heritage (okay, so it's three greats back, but still), I thought I'd celebrate the day very authentically.

 Ah, nothing like a warm spring day to enjoy a cold green drink in the backyard, just like the Irish.

 The freshly fallen snow (snow day #15 this year) caused us to sing a jaunty tune and pull up our green striped socks as we slid down the front yard hill and scraped off the driveway.

 This brave lass showed her true colors by going down the hill all by herself. (She even went down face first.)

 All the Irish babbies make green play-doh on the special day, of course.

This guy might only be 1/32 Irish, but he's got the grin of a true leprechaun.

Positive and negative

{Disclaimer: One of my yearly goals is to blog three times a week. I only have blogged once this month, so please excuse the bevy of potentially lame posts to be forthcoming.}

Mornings around here are often pretty rough. I think they are for most mothers trying to get their children on the bus or to school on time. Add Clara's challenges and we frequently have high levels of stress before the clock even says 7:45am. 

After some not good days last week, I informed Clara that I wouldn't be nagging her anymore. She already has two alarms, and I would remind her one other time, but then I wouldn't continue to remind her to do every step of her morning routine (are you dressed? have you made your bed yet?, come downstairs, shoes and socks!, quick grab some bites to eat!, hurry get your coat on, the bus is coming!!!!, etc. etc. etc.). If she missed the bus, she'd either pay me $5 to take her to school, and then when she ran out of money (which would be very quickly), she'd have to stay home and do chores all day without music, books, or shows, etc. On the reverse side, however, I would be giving her points (we call them dots on her dot chart) for every time she made good choices and would be earning prizes, etc.

Well, we had some not so pretty days where I took Clara to school last week and I ended up in tears. And I realized after talking with her fabulous special ed teacher that perhaps she isn't quite there yet to have full responsibility and that I need to praise her for every little step of the day. I do that already but I am upping the ante and giving her a dot for practically every single good choice she makes. I worry that  she will never do something because it's the right thing to do but because she expects a reward, but I have decided that I want to create a good habit and that it's okay right now, especially on her maturity and understanding levels.

I also added an alarm on her bathroom clock and on my cell phone, giving a total of 4 alarms throughout the morning to remind her to kick it in gear. Yes, it's a lot, but I'd rather have the alarm be the reminder instead of me. (When we gave her an alarm clock in the morning a couple of years ago, it was so helpful to have a neutral object as the "nag;" it also teaches personal responsibility--I hope--and is a skill she can keep as an adult.)

So we've been doling out the dots like crazy and Clara is eating it up and loving all the praise. I also had her re-make her morning routine chart (we've made so many of these throughout the years!). She really enjoys and responds well to reverse psychology. For example, I tell her, "No! You cannot make your  bed. That would be responsible and make you feel good and we just cannot have that. You must be lazy and do nothing and live at home the rest of your life." And she'll yell, "No!" and then go and gleefully complete the task.

Along those same lines, I made a "natural man" morning routine chart (a.k.a. the opposite of what she should do) and she made her real chart. I also wrote down the chores she'd be doing if she stayed home, as well as the rewards she'd get when she earned a certain number of dots.

Mine (devil's advocate):
1. Stay in bed.
2. Leave covers on the floor.
3. Never talk to Heavenly Father.
4. Leave PJs on floor.
5. Stay upstairs. Read on toilet forever. (She seriously sits there for like 20 minutes reading)

Clara's:
1. Get dressed.
2. Make bed.
3. Say prayers.
4. Get PJ's in drawer.
5. Go down to breakfast.

Jobs if Clara misses the bus (just a few ideas I had off the top of my head):
1. Clean bathroom floor by hand.
2. Wash windows.
3. Dust stairs.
4. Fold laundry--match socks.

Rewards for Clara being self-motivated:
- Dot per step (on routine) she does without being reminded.
- Dot when she gets out of shower without being prompted.
- Dot when she packs her bookbag.

10 dots = prize from treasure box (little dinky toys, gum, etc,)
50 dots = trip to SweetBee (frozen yogurt)
100 dots = Rapunzel doll (that she's been wanting for ages)

Now getting her to reference the chart is another skill, but she really knows what to do anyway. I've been very proud of her these past few days and recognize that she actually makes dozens of good choices every day; it's just so easy to focus on the negative. So many wonderful things I am learning.

Frozen, the Book of Mormon, and Other Random Thoughts

I haven't really been in much of a picture-taking mood of late or felt a huge need to share something, hence the recent lack of posts. However, for journaling's sake, I wanted to write a few lines about what's going on over in these parts.

1. FOURTEEN SNOW DAYS AND COUNTING . . . We have had lots of snow and ice and delays and no school. I am happy to say that I am getting better at being more flexible when these throw off my routines. I realize that I have no control over it, the days will be made up, and I might as well try to live in the present and enjoy it. Robbie loves the snow, and Clara went down our little front yard hill sledding all by herself this week. I remind myself that winter means not having to worry about summer clothes and bathing suits and all that nonsense.

2. FROZEN MUSIC IN MY HEAD . . . Since I purchased the vocals from the soundtrack, Clara has listened to these songs a hundred times. Seriously--they are often in my head in the morning and when I go to sleep at night. I have thought about the lyrics quite a bit and realize that while I do sometimes wish I could "let it go"--be it my responsibilities, my worries, whatever--I recognize, like Elsa eventually does, that running away (even mentally) doesn't change the situation. This morning wasn't my proudest mommy moment during some very frustrating interchanges with an extremely defiant--at the time--daughter. I felt dark and angry and so darn mad at myself and my weaknesses and inadequacies.

I asked her forgiveness via a hastily scribbled note, and she so readily forgave me and thought it was great. I am thankful for her forgiving nature. I feel unworthy of God's love (I know those thoughts are from the adversary), but I just keep pressing forward, mostly sluggishly, sometimes unwillingly, hoping that someday I'll be better than I am. Unlike the "Fixer-Upper" song states, though, I have faith that we CAN really change through the grace of our Savior, Jesus Christ. While I rarely feel I will ever be good enough, I am trying to remind myself that Heavenly Father's love isn't contingent upon how I feel about myself. It's just there. (Repeat mantra hourly as needed.)

3. COMPUTER TROUBLES . . . Like car troubles, these just are so annoying. Dozens of video clips since 2012 have disappeared from Picasa. I have uninstalled and reinstalled it, etc. I unknowingly downloaded Re-markit malware and am unable to uninstall it despite following many instructions online. iTunes wasn't working and I uninstalled it only to be unable to reinstall it again. Blah blah blah.

4. CHARITY FOR OTHERS . . . Michael was called into the bishopric again this past week. I am happy that he can serve in this way again, but I confess I've really enjoyed sitting together the past eight months since our move. Since Robbie prefers him to me when he has the two of us to pick from, Michael's presence is sorely missed. I am praying for those sitting around us to have charity as they hear and see two children, one of whom is twenty months and the other who frequently acts like she's three. (Can I just have a sign that says, "Don't judge us; she has autism"?)

5. READ-A-THON . . . The young women and young men in our ward are reading the Book of Mormon in thirty days as a March Madness challenge. I have read the Book of Mormon many times but never in this way before. I am appreciating the broad stroke perspective with an increased testimony of its truthfulness and the reality that there is no way that a farm boy from New York with a minimal education could have written such a beautiful and powerful book which testifies of Jesus Christ and also of the truthfulness of the Bible. (Get a free copy here.)

6. BIKING . . . We purchased bikes for Michael and I this week. I've wanted us to get bikes for a while now as it's an activity that every age can do. We got an adaptive trike for Clara (I'll post a pic another day), which she was very scared to ride, but with the incentive of a treat at the end, we borrowed our friend's bike trailer and briefly rode around Grottoes this evening. We were very proud of her. Now, the fact that she had to pee so badly at the end of the ride and we didn't have a bathroom handy so I blocked the view and let her pee in the grass in said friend's backyard (yes, Emily, I am sorry!!) and she peed on my shoe and jeans and all over her pants is just par for the course. But on a positive note, I was very proud of her being willing to be flexible to use the bathroom in an unusual place.

Well, I am sorry that this post is a little on the negative side. I guess the bad days help us appreciate the brighter days. The sun'll come out tomorrow . . . right?

Plan of Salvation, children's version

For my dad's birthday this year, he requested that all seven of us children hold our own "plan of salvation celebration" in his honor, where we discuss and learn and review as a family the purpose of life--where we came from, why we're here, and where we're going.

This is a beautiful explanation of the doctrine; my captions below are just a cursory glance.

Michael put himself in charge, and Clara helped him make the signs. We then filmed it and sent it to him as youtube clips.

Premortal life (the playroom): We lived in heaven as spirits before we came to earth. This is called the pre-mortal life. Clara drew the angel--complete with halo--and told Michael that it was Grandma Elizabeth (my dad's mother who died before I was born).

Birth (the stairs): We wanted to gain a body and be tested to prove our worthiness to return to live with Heavenly Father again. So we were born.

 Earth life (the entryway): Yay! We came to earth!

 Sometimes life on earth is hard. Fortunately, God did not leave us alone here and has sent us His words through prophets and apostles, both ancient and modern, and communicates with us through prayer.

Death (the garage entry): Then eventually, our body and our spirit separate at death.

Spirit prison (the mudroom): Our spirits go up to the spirit world, which is divided into spirit prison and spirit paradise.

 Spirit prison is a holding place where those who didn't know about Christ and His gospel are taught by missionaries so they can have a chance to accept and follow Him; it is also the place where those who reject His teachings go. They wait here until they are resurrected.

Spirit paradise (the screened-in porch): Spirit paradise is a happy place where those who have been obedient go and wait until they are resurrected and judged.


Resurrection (the screen door): After Jesus Christ comes again, our bodies and spirits are reunited, perfect and whole. Yahoo!

 Judgment (outside stairs): Then our thoughts, words, and deeds are judged by God, with Jesus Christ as our advocate, determining our final state.

 Telestial kingdom (a Brookside chocolate-covered pomegranate): The lowest degree of glory, represented by a star. Those who are murderers, liars, and adulterers go here. True hell, or outer darkness, is reserved for those who had a fullness of knowledge of the Savior but rejected Him, like Judas.

 Terrestrial kingdom (a single Oreo): The final place for those who were good people but not valiant, represented in glory by the moon.

 Celestial kingdom (Klondike bars, baby): The highest kingdom of glory, represented by the sun, where Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ live, reserved for those who are true followers and have been obedient to the very end.

 Only the best for this girl.

 Robbie enjoyed some Klondike bar and then decided to go back and eat the terrestrial kingdom's goody as well.

The celestial kingdom is where we want to be, united forever as a family.

Storybook Trail

After snow and uncomfortably cold temperatures, all of the Shenandoah Valley briefly came out of hibernation to enjoy the sun and warm weather this past weekend.

We decided to drive up to New Market to enjoy the brief half-mile (round trip!) Storybook Trail.

These two were holding hands for a few precious moments before Robbie took off trotting down the path. His energy and zest for life really enliven us all. It would have been a very different walk without him, and it is just so joyous to see him run just because, well, who wants to walk when you can run? (Me, that's who.)

 We took a little detour off the path and found some big boulders. Clara got on the rock and took this position, informing us that she was meditating. Michael followed suit, but unfortunately meditation + nineteen-month-old = hahahahahahahaha

While the view was not nearly as impressive as I'm sure it looks in spring or autumn, in our eyes it was gorgeous simply because we could enjoy it without freezing our toes off.

Recent fun

I failed to post some of the other recent happenings 'round these parts and wanted to catch up a bit.

 I totally forgot to show my favorite Valentine gift. Isn't Robbie amazing?

Okay, I guess he doesn't call me Brittany. You got me.

 This kid cracks me up with his love for hats. Scary face, cute kid.

 During the big snow we went down to our neighbor's hill and enjoyed a few runs.

 Robbie briefly tolerated wearing my sunglasses to keep the snow out of his face.

 I was proud of Clara for going down as well, even though after last year's accidental solo run she has not ever wanted to sled again. Go girl!

This kid loves the snow.

 Blanket rides around the house are a big hit.

I think they prefer separate blankets, however.

Hiding in the closet is also a fun past time, especially with a good book--one about cars, trucks, and tractors, please.

Valentine's celebrations

I know that Valentine's Day is a commercial holiday. I tell Michael not to get me flowers on Valentine's because they are overpriced just for the occasion. This year he said, "I am going to ask you a multiple choice question. The answers are (a) Yes, or (b) Figure it out. The question is, "Do you want me to buy you something for Valentine's Day?" I laughed and said that I wanted him to make me a card. Since our dating years, Michael has always made me lovely and creative cards. This year was no different and he wrote me a beautiful letter, complete with a message/scribble from the kids as well.

However, I also am looking at holidays as excuses for celebrations. For example, I realize that my mom didn't dye pancakes pink because they tasted good or put hearts on the windows because they were elegant, but rather because it was a small way to create something special--a tradition--that the kids looked forward to each year. Little things are easy to make into traditions (if I can just remember to do them each year) and become another thread in the rope that binds the family together. Now Valentine's Day isn't really a romantic holiday so much as an excuse to show my family in a fun way that I love them.

I was so excited for this Valentine's Day to use the red goblets from my grandmother that my mother generously gave me. I made bran muffins in the heart-shaped pan she also gave me, but they sort of ended up looking like massive blobs instead. Along with grapefruit, OJ, milk, and strawberry yogurt, the breakfast was a hit. Each person--minus Robbie--got a little treat as well (he was not too happy about that). I didn't want to leave myself out so I got one, too--a little Whitman's Sampler. Clara got a heart full of gum, which she ate over the course of like three days (about 30 pieces!).

 Michael's yearly heart-shaped pizza is always delicious--this year he put cheese in the crust.

The loves of my life.

Bath time

This boy LOVES his baths, which he gets to take nearly every day due to messy diapers and crazy eating. He kicks his legs and drinks the water (gross) and plays with the blue bowl. He also loves escaping during diaper changes and running down the hall naked (and sometimes peeing on the carpet if we haven't diapered him back up in time).

Haven't seen cuter bum cheeks than those.

The golden age

I have been thinking lately about all the cruddy things that are going on in our society. Actually, I've been thinking how easy it is to focus on all the cruddy things that are going on in our society. Let's sample just a few, shall we?

Kids aren't getting the education they need to keep up with other countries and prepare to lead our future country.
Kids and adults are overweight, eating too much processed food, and not getting enough exercise.
The family is losing traction as the central unit of society and marriage is being undermined.
Pornography is rampant.
The gap between the rich and middle class increases.
People are showing less personal accountability and look to exterior "protections" like laws instead of having personal integrity.
Women are mostly valued based on their bodies.
American parents coddle their kids and protect them too much. 
Autism, ADHD, asthma, allergies are on the rise without clear reasons.
The U.S. as a whole is forgetting its faith-based roots and fewer people attend church or affiliate with a religion.

And that doesn't even address things like terrorism, war, environmental challenges, and disease.

Okay, that was depressing.

Anyway, it seems like some folks--including myself--think back fondly on former days and think or say things like, "Oh, it was great during the Reagan years," or "Back in your grandmother's time, she only ate things she'd grown herself," or "It used to be that kids could just run around after school; now they're just scheduled and going going going."

So, I've decided I want to look forward and not back. There has been evil and good in the world in every age. Is this the last dispensation before the Savior returns? Yes. So will it get worse? Unfortunately, yes.  

But you know what? Even though I do find myself wishing I lived like Laura Ingalls or Elizabeth Bennett, I also think about the negatives of other time periods. Let's think of some of the great things about today's American society:

I have an equal vote.
I can wear pants and don't have to wear panty hose every day. Hallelujah.
My children and I have access to wonderful books through public libraries.
The Internet can connect us with long-lost friends and family and provides us with knowledge about wonderful things.
Fake foods like Mint Creme Oreos and Riesens exist.
The gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored to the earth.
Cars make travel very convenient and our roads are paved.
We have indoor plumbing and warm homes without chinks in the walls.
I can go to a grocery store and get ice cream every week if I want to.
I have nice-smelling body wash and a razor to shave my legs.
I can listen to beautiful, amazing music of any variety every day.
We can learn about the weather in advance to prepare for it (even if it's not always accurate).
We are privileged to learn about a religion and choose to follow its precepts without fear of reprisal.
I can give birth to my children with a doctor and nurses to help me.
We enjoy spices like cinnamon and nutmeg and exotic fruits like bananas and oranges whenever we want them, even if they're not locally in season.
There are still lots of wonderful people in the world--good neighbors, caring friends, honest lawyers, selfless parents, and dedicated teachers.

And this is just the tip of the iceberg.

So, even though there is much that is going wrong in the world, there is also so much to be thankful for. Do I miss even the carefree days of my own youth? Yes--I wish my children could enjoy more freedom without adult supervision. But do I miss having to sit down attached to a cord while talking on the phone? No. Am I sometimes too focused on and distracted by all the information from the Internet/cell phone contacts/Facebook/etc.? Yes--but I am thankful I can ask a question with a few tapes of my fingers and receive an answer.

Like Elder Jeffrey R Holland said, "As someone once said, 'Even in the golden age of civilization someone undoubtedly grumbled that everything looked too yellow.'"

So while I don't want to stand idly by and become a product of my society, I do want to embrace the good that it offers while choosing to stand strong against the tide of negativity, evil, and filth that threatens to overturn us. Fortunately, even though we know that all things must fail, we know that "Charity never faileth" (1 Corinthians 13:8). So charity (God's pure love), along with our covenants, will never fail, even when our economy and society do. And the great thing is, we have complete control over those things: no matter how people are acting around us, we can be true and faithful with the Lord's help.

Looks like a pretty golden age to me.