More birthday fun

Clara's actual birthday was the day after her party.

 Of course, it started off with her self-selected cereal. (Several months ago she informed me that she didn't want "Marshmallow Treasures;" she wanted the real "Lucky Charms.")

 Happy to be joining in on the fun.

After having her requested dinner (boxed mac 'n cheese), Clara blew out eight candles on her three-tiered mini chocolate cake.

I think her favorite gift was these cowgirl boots, which she has envied in Target for the past six months or so.

Eight with Asperger's

 {This is a long and probably boring entry; I have just needed a little outlet.}

As Clara has grown older, the challenges of Asperger's and ADHD have been brought into greater focus. When she was younger, if she didn't look at someone while they were talking to her, or if she growled or made silly noises or just flat-out ignored them completely, it wasn't quite the social faux-pas that it is now that she is older. An eight-year-old who answers, "What do you want?" in a terse voice when someone calls to wish her a happy birthday, for example, is considered rude, while it might be considered funny or even cute on a three- or four-year-old. But at least she spoke to them on the phone; there have been plenty of times when she refused to talk at all.

The group games of P.E., the outside activities like riding a bike or a scooter, the intricacies of crafts that are ubiquitous with this age and older--all these things are not easy for Clara and make fitting in even more of a challenge. And let's not even get into the challenges of school.

A big event like an eighth birthday party with seven other girls her age brings out the discrepancies on a fuller scale. While the other girls are running around in the garage playing, Clara comes running inside crying because (I'm still not quite sure what happened) she was riding on her wagon and someone else wanted to take a turn. Or she refuses to take a turn in the "Guess the Kitchen Object" game. Or she hides when the first guests come. The list goes on. {But at least she blew out her candles in front of her friends!}

Fortunately, with time I am becoming tougher-skinned to these embarrassing situations. Don't get me wrong; I sometimes still get very embarrassed--especially when she ignores sweet older girls at church who say hello to her, or she says something that doesn't make sense to our future neighbors when we want so badly for her to make friends in our new neighborhood. However, I don't cry about it like I used to, and now I try to guide her through these situations instead of beating myself up about how if I were teaching her better, she'd have figured it out by now. {I did learn, though, from the birthday party that I need to stop correcting her in front of others because that affects the way they see her; if I make a big deal out of something, then other kids will notice something that they otherwise would probably have been oblivious to.}I don't always handle things the way I know I should, but I think I'm getting better gradually.

A kid on the autism spectrum doesn't have "theory of mind;" it doesn't come naturally for them to think about what someone else might be thinking, or how their actions or words might affect someone else. It is a very egocentric disorder with its deficits in the two most important parts of human interaction: social behavior and communication.

A friend of mine was telling me how her sister-in-law is going to be having a Down's Syndrome baby and how pretty much everyone who has a child with Down's just loves that child so much and how special they are. The tough thing about a child with autism is that they aren't always quite so easy to love, and they don't have the different appearance that makes people immediately aware of their condition. Instead, an Aspie looks like other kids and then surprises you out of nowhere with unpredictable, bizarre behavior and communication.

I have tried (sometimes subconsciously) to try to go along next to Clara, apologizing for her moodiness and overcompensating to her friends and other adults and doing all that I could to smooth the way so that she could be successful. But that is only going to get harder as the social expectations become higher. So now there is the question: Is it time for me to step back (a little) and (gulp) not step in to prompt her when someone speaks to her? Do I let her flounder and come in and cry when she has hurt feelings on a playdate, or do I go and play with her and her playmate to make a semi-normal interaction possible?

I certainly don't want to imply discouragement by all of this. I am not discouraged. I am becoming more objective and am becoming better at not allowing her behavior to be a reflection of me. Clara is herself. She is a wonderful girl with a wonderful, powerful spirit. She truly desires to please. She has so much potential. She is incredibly affectionate and wants to be with us. She is perfectly forgiving and never holds a grudge. She humbly does what we ask, even if it takes seven or eight times asking her. She is gradually learning to be independent. She has a lovely memory for names. She notices when people's emotions change, even if she doesn't understand why. She loves her little brother. She adores her father. And she loves her Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. And we love her dearly, as do many others.

I am not going to pretend that I don't wish she was neurotypical; I am not going to lie and say I don't envy the mother-daughter relationship that I see others have. But I do know that we will have a wonderful relationship in our perfected, resurrected bodies and that the things we learn here, the relationship that we grow here on earth will be a terrific foundation for the glorious one we'll have in the hereafter. She knew, and I knew, that her mortal tabernacle would be a challenge, and we welcomed that challenge, knowing it would help perfect us.

I don't know what the future holds; I used to worry and worry and sometimes still do. But my faith is growing stronger, and my motto for this year is a quote from President Monson: "The future is as bright as your faith." It is going to be an amazing future, and I know that whatever happens will be a blessing to us as long as we use our trials and our blessings on our journey to become like the Savior.

So bring it on. It's going to be great!

It's great to be eight

To  celebrate Clara's eighth birthday, we had a baking birthday party from some school and church friends.

 Toppings and rolling pins laid out in preparation for pizza-making.

 Drinks and treat bags at the ready.

 Eight sweet girls decorating aprons in the garage (we had to be creative with our space--or lack thereof).

 Michael demonstrating some skillz from NYC pizza school.

 Prepping their pizza dough for toppings.

 Cupcake decorating supplies.

Sampling the goods. 

Not pictured: making salad shish kebabs. 

I totally forgot to take a group photo at the end, but it was a fun party (grace a Internet ideas) and I think the girls all had a good time.

House Update #3

We no longer think of weather in terms of clothing or whether I can run errands; we think of it in terms of whether they can work on the house that day.
I think a major part of our impatience is the fact that Robbie is sleeping in our room since he doesn't have anywhere else to sleep. Happy day when he can be in his own room. (Actually, I wouldn't mind if he slept in our room as long as he stopped needing to nurse twice a night on a regular basis.)

 The view from the backyard. See that pile of bricks on the side of the dirt mound? What is up with builders and trash? Why can't they just put the junk in a trashcan or something?

 From the top of the mound. The second floor well under way.

 Clara loves all this dirt but doesn't own any rain boots, so I don't let her tramp all over the red clay. Michael was kind enough to give her a ride up to the top.

The view looking down from the top of the dirt. Robbie just loves to be outside.

We are dang excited but man, I am getting decision fatigue having to choose which stone (a killer that we still can't pin down), which roof, which hardiplank colors and how wide it should be, what door, what floor, etc., etc. I think my mental bandwidth will be greatly freed up in a few months when these major choices are out of the way.

A solid start

Robbie has been wanting to eat whatever we eat for the past couple of months, and we finally made his dream come true last week.

 This is it? You mean I actually get to eat something?

I'll even wear a bib to please you if it means the food comes more quickly.

 Oh boy oh boy oh boy!

More please.

{Note to self: Don't start next baby on rice cereal--no #2 diaper for nearly five days.}

How can he be six months already?

Double whammy

A certain somebody pulled out two teeth on the same day, within the same hour.

 Prized possessions. I think she even took them to church in her pocket.

 It is hard to believe she is going to be eight years old in less than a week, but she definitely looks the part. I have to admit I love the mixed dentition years--kids are still so cute and starting to look a little funny but haven't yet gotten into the "How do I look?" phase of self-consciousness. We sure do love this girl.

A Jaunt Down South

I really wanted to see our Georgia siblings over the break, so I braved the 9.5-hour drive by myself with Clara and Robbie.

First stop was a night at Clay's and Amie's, where they treated us with their usual wonderful hosting abilities and kindness.

 The girls made a gingerbread house together (I think some lost interest sooner than others) and Clara enjoyed spending the night in Faith and Kendall's room and playing Amie's iPad. Did I tell you that Clara asked Santa for an iPad this year? I told her that Santa had a budget. 

 Next stop was a night at Tabitha and Tommy's house, where Tabitha hosted me even though she has a full house and full hands. Here she is with one of her three-month-old twins. I was so impressed with how well she is handling a five-year-old, two-year-old, and twins.

 Here Robbie is pictured with his newest Weiler cousins--Samuel, Ian, and Emmeline.

 The kids invented "The Burpee Team Club" which was basically running around the house and yelling "Burpee Team!" and making burping noises. Awesome.

 Sweet cousin Anne.

 Hilarious Hannah with her awesome pigtails.

 After leaving Tabitha's home, I spent some time with Matt and Tana's family, and then we went out to eat at the Lobster House for Matt's (43rd!) birthday. All my nieces and nephews are getting so big.

 Bryan and Clay, handsome as ever.

 Matt and Tana, celebrating a year since Matt's cancer diagnosis (cancer appears to be gone but still continuing chemotherapy) and with Matt's hair growing back in.

 Matt with his son Alex, my oldest nephew who is a freshman at Georgia Tech.

Amie and me.

 Tana, a.k.a. the baby whisperer, comforting Robbie who came down with a very high fever and has since been sick with "the crud." Breaks my heart.

Happy birthday, big brother.

 The final stop was a two-night stay with Bryan and Emily. Here is cousin Clay, who is just about the sweetest almost-nine-year-old ever.

 Robbie is no respecter of persons when it comes to smiles and drool.

 Cousin sleepovers with Grace are the bomb.

 Clara loved her time with these guys and was very sad to leave to go home. So was I, for that matter.

Despite the drive, it was a wonderful trip and I am so grateful for our families. Now on to 2013!

Christmas Snow

This Christmas we were treated to snow.

Robbie's first glimpse of snow. Look at the wonder in his eyes.

Coming down harder.

 Enjoying the scene from the edge of the garage, tucked in warmly.

 Michael took everyone but me and the baby to the park to go sledding. Clara went down all by herself, which was a little traumatic considering she wasn't expecting Michael to accidentally let go. She went down backwards but held on and didn't fall off. Everyone was very proud of her. She informed me later that at the bottom of the hill she started crying and then she pooted. (Apparently that was an important part of the experience.)

Taking a little break.

Hanging out with Grandma, Grandpa, and Aunt Melody inside was pretty sweet, too.

Christmas in Killarney

Okay, we didn't go to Killarney, but that song is one of many that reminds me of my childhood. One of my favorite parts of the Christmas season is listening to the same music that my dad played--he transferred the music from the old record player onto cassettes and then on to CDs for each of us. I find the skipping from the old records to be very endearing. Very little of the current Christmas music is to my liking--give me Johnny Mathis, Dean Martin, Bing Crosby, and Frank Sinatra, among others.

Moving on.

It was a good Christmas. I felt like even though things were a bit crazy with work and other responsibilities, we tried to keep in the spirit of the season and enjoyed caroling and making gingerbread houses with friends and thinking about others.

We were lucky to have the Weilers come up for Christmas this year, and we loved celebrating at our own home for the first time. Christmas Eve we had the missionaries and an older single gentleman from church over to share the Joseph and Mary dinner with us, read Luke 2, and sing carols.

 Our dear little six-foot tree that we put on a box to make it appear taller through the window. It's been a good tree for ten years, but it's time it is retired.

 The stockings at the foot of our bed. Santa had to make do since we don't have a chimney.

 Opening stockings Christmas morning.

Ten Christmases and counting . . .

 Lining up from youngest to oldest . . .

 Clara got a fun stuffed animal dog from a very thoughtful lady at Michael's office. Another addition to the menagerie. 

Robbie received this fancy jumperoo to keep him entertained.

And me? Michael got me the lavender bathrobe pictured above. It's so warm and cozy that it makes me even more eager to get ready for bed than I already am each night. As for Michael, he wanted to save our shekels for the house, so I got him a large container of cashews and organized his trunk with a new car organizer. (Lame!)

Funny how the presents become less important and the people more so as you get older.

Christmas evening we volunteered at a local community dinner at a Presbyterian church for those less fortunate so we could feel all noble and good inside. It was a nice experience, but we didn't feel like we contributed much. We are still looking for a way to make the actual day of Christmas more meaningful and not just a present-fest in the morning and then a bit of a downer the rest of the day. Any ideas?