Blow me away

This weekend we went back to ATL for a conference for Michael and then were able to attend the temple and hang out with our families. Saturday morning, we hiked to the top of Stone Mountain with Michael's dad. It was the perfect day, but so windy!

Clara does not like the wind. She hates it when we put the window down in the car, too.

Huddling against the wind. It was so fun, though!

Michael and his dad. Michael said when he jumped, the air pushed him.

A beautiful view. (I love seeing shafts of sunlight like that.)

Happy to be at the bottom.

Relaxing after the hike.

Projects

This is mainly for my mom's benefit . . . sorry if it's boring for everyone else.

A Halloween table runner I sewed and quilted.

I also made the candy corns from scratch. And dipped the candle. And blew the glass for the vase. Dang, I'm hilarious.

My first floral arrangement.

I finished them, Mom! Thanks for the supplies!

Funny

Today, Clara and I were taking turns sharing a juicy Gala apple. I bit into it and revealed the core and seeds. Clara looked at them and said, "Poopies!"

I'll never look at an apple seed the same way again.

'T'aint no contusion

Well, about a week after Clara's original "bruise" on her ankle, she was still complaining about it, and it was still slightly swollen. So, feeling somewhat like a paranoid mom, I took her in again and then got x-rays done yesterday (during which she threw up because she was so upset, but that has happened so many times in previous medical situations that I was expecting it). I received a phone call this morning from her pediatrician, who informed me that both her tibia and fibula were fractured. The doctor was just as shocked and mortified as I was.

Needless to say, we spent about three hours waiting to get her cast on. It is purple--just like the one she had when she was 1o months (when I fell on the stairs with her on my hip and broke the same leg). She was such a trooper (no throw up today!). I told her that we should comfort Mr. Bear so he wouldn't be scared, so through her tears she'd repeat after me and tell Mr. Bear, "It's okay. Don't be scared." She loves Christmas songs, so I sang Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer as they put the cast on. (The nurses probably got a kick out of that.)

It was so heartbreaking when she asked me, in tears, "Mommy, can you take my cast off? Please?!" Oh, I wish I could! I also wish I had given her a bath last night because it is not going to be any fun to do it now . . . if she's smelly for the next four weeks, you'll know why.


You cannot imagine how badly Michael and I both feel. Having a matching pair of these pictures was certainly not something we ever wanted to see. And the fact that both breaks were caused by one of her parents, well, let's just not talk about that. Please forgive your clumsy parents, Clara.

Early fall weather equals . . .

bunny bags . . .
. . . and homemade cinnamon rolls.

Roaches, Mice, and Owies . . . Oh my!

ROACHES: I wrote a poem about roaches that I might post at a later date. Oh, how I detest them. We see them frequently around here . . . far far too frequently. (UPDATE SINCE I POSTED: Let me clarify on the roach thing. We had Terminix come out because although I clean constantly, I felt like I must be very unsanitary! However, the guy informed us that the big ones that we had, the "palmetto bugs" that live in the trees, just come in of their own accord and, while annoying, don't necessarily indicate that you have food out all the time and are unclean or whatever. It's the little ones to be worried about. (Is that right, Sheree?!))

MICE: Two days ago I was at the computer and saw movement out of the corner of my eye. "That's a huge roach!" I thought at first, but then I discovered it to be a small mouse. I was on the phone with my mother at the time, who may have suffered partial hearing loss due to my girlish scream on the phone. Upon finding Michael's cell phone at our house instead of with him, I called one of his fellow residents (who I later found out drove down to campus to try to find Michael for me and even called around for mouse traps!) to get the orthodontic clinic number.

Michael felt impressed to call me upon hearing the phone ring there several times, and then I made poor Michael run (literally) back to find me having shut myself into the office with my feet tucked under me, refusing to exit the room. However, after doing some research on the best types of mouse traps--amazing what you can find on Amazon--I went off to Target and got a couple of different kinds. Michael set them up with the obligatory peanut butter around the house, and I went to sleep and dreamed of catching the mouse. Seriously.

My dream came true yesterday evening when I discovered that a trap had been triggered . . . fortunately, this particular trap was one of the "hide the disgusting dead rodent inside here" ones, so I didn't have to see the mouse. Michael, once again my knight in shining armor, disposed of it, but not after informing me that the mouse had peed inside and asking if I wanted to look at it. "No!" I practically yelled from my secure retreat under the bedcovers. No new mice have appeared, but I'm not taking any chances and might sleep tonight with a peanut butter-laden trap upon my pillow.

OWIES: Last night, Clara and Michael were playing their daily "You can't catch me!" game, during which Clara tells Michael and then runs away, laughing hysterically as Michael runs to catch her. But, as they say, "It's all fun and games 'til somebody gets hurt." I had to spank Clara for tackling Michael so hard! Just kidding. No, Michael feels absolutely mortified, but as he tackled her, he fell partially on Clara's foot. (I had to remind him that I fell with her down the stairs when she was 10 months old and actually broke her leg.) She was in considerable pain and woke up several times in the night, but after taking her to the pediatrician's today, we think it's just a "contusion" (a fancy name for a bruise). Still, it is so sad to see her limping, and of course she had to miss school and is milking it all for all its worth. Poor kid!

Recuperating in her "nest."

Heal quickly, contusion. Heal quickly.

Tagged . . .

Well, I got tagged (thanks a heap, Linds! :-) ). Here's some random information about me, in case you're dying of boredom and need something to read:

4 Random Things I Love about My Husband:

• He loves playing with Clara and is the best daddy to her ever.
• He gives fabulous foot massages at the drop of a hat.
• He works super hard in school and focuses on me when I need him to (which is, well, a lot)
  
• He enjoys singing as a family, even though he doesn't feel like he's a good singer (which he is).
  

4 Movies I Could Watch Over and Over:

• Groundhog Day (Michael and I can quote nearly the whole thing)
  
• Pride and Prejudice (the six-hour version)
• A Little Princess (always makes me cry)
• ?? (I like movies, but I can't think of another that I could watch again and again)
  

4 T.V. Shows I Watch:

• The only t.v. I watch is the boring morning news at the gym. If I go at night, I love watching Designed to Sell on HGTV.
  

4 Places I've Been:

• Prince Edward Island
• the Berlin Wall
• The Cinque Terre, Italy
• Giverny, France (Monet's home)
  

4 People Who Email Regularly:

• Various friends and family (don't want to put anyone on the spot here!)
  

4 of My Favorite Foods:

• Pizza--not greasy, not too much pepperoni, thick crust, Hawaiian-style is yummy, too
  
• Oreos, especially huge chunks of them in vanilla ice cream
  
• Chocolate--mild dark is good
  
• Quaker Oatmeal Squares cereal
  

4 Places I Would Like to Visit:

• Ireland
• Scotland
• More places in England
• Banff, Canada
• New England
• Nauvoo, Illinois
• California
• all right, I'll stop
  

4 Things I Am Looking Forward to This Year:

• Hopefully having Clara potty-trained (?!!!?)
• Michael getting his braces off so we can take a family portrait :-)
• Christmas!
• Hopefully getting pregnant
  

4 People I Have Tagged:

• I'm gonna let people off the hook with this--I know, dry your tears.
  

Our patriotic daughter

After a rough and discouraging therapy session this morning, I thought I'd focus on one of Clara's strengths: speed memorization. Clara has a (to us) remarkable ability to memorize quickly. She'll remember the names of library books after I've said them once and refer to them by name later. She knows the lyrics of probably a hundred songs--maybe not all of the words, but many or most. She will remember them months after singing them, too.

Anyway, she has gone to preschool three times now (which is getting better, btw), and she already has the Pledge of Allegiance memorized. We did say it with her two or three times last night, but still, to us it's pretty hilarious how quickly she's memorized it. (And you'll have to turn up the volume quite a bit at the beginning.)

Here's some culture for your Wednesday

Introducing the world's next Angelina Ballerina (minus the mouse part):



She heard the music playing and said, "I want to get my ballerina dress on," after which she went and got it from her dress-up clothes.

"I'm twirling like ballerina," she's saying at the end of the clip. Sweet moments.

Happy Birthday to me!

(I'm all about self-promotion on this blog.) Yesterday we celebrated my 26th birthday. I just love birthdays! We actually celebrated it mostly on Saturday because Sunday was Fast Sunday and we had tons of things going on that evening.Michael made me fabulous strawberry crepes for breakfast. Notice the red plate--a family tradition for the birthday girl/boy.

For dinner, Michael made our delicious homemade pizza . . . I'm a sucker for good old-fashioned pizza.

He also made me a chocolate chip cookie cake, complete with cookies and cream ice cream (also my favorite).

There is something satisfying about watching a three-year-old enjoy an ice cream cone. It makes you feel like all is right with the world.

One of the best parts of birthdays is being able to chat with siblings and parents who call--thanks everyone! And the highlight of the day was being able to wear a large pink crown in Primary at church and have the little kids sing me a birthday song.

Oh sad day . . .

Well, when I went to pick up Clara from her first day of Mother's Day Out, the teachers told me how things went. If I look at it from a long-term perspective, things went fairly well. However, like the first day of Clara's first "joy school" (mommy co-op preschool) experience last January, I couldn't help but start crying while discussing with the teacher how everything went. It was so embarrassing and kind of humiliating, but I seriously couldn't help it. I think that I'm in control, that I have fully accepted the realities of having a "special needs" child, but then each new experience (like today) confirms the fact that my emotions are still very raw and right there under the surface.

I don't know why I keep thinking that somehow she'll be "normal" and that people won't even notice that she isn't like the other kids. At home, to me she is normal, and so when she makes small milestones I keep thinking that she's getting more and more neurotypical (which is true in some respects). However, even in a year younger class, she is still different in terms of what she wants to do and is interested in. The teachers said that she didn't want to play with the toys and only wanted to get into all the teachers' stuff, but really I think that Clara was just overwhelmed by all the toys and by all of the children playing with them. She didn't want to paint, but she did put stickers on the page, which was good. And June Darby (her fabulous special ed. teacher who comes to the class an hour each day Clara to work with her) said that she did sit on the carpet with another little group of girls for a little while, which is also encouraging. And she only cried when she had her diaper changed (which she doesn't like when I do it either, so that's not really out of the ordinary).

The thing that killed me the most is that she brought in from the playground one of those ball thingies that hang on a stem that fall from trees (not the prickly sweetgum tree balls, but like those). Clara's fixation is on things that she calls "umbrellas", which are anything with a stick and a rounded top. For example, she used to carry around Mrs. Potato Head's pink nose, or she'll carry around a spatula with a pretend ice cream scoop balancing on top, etc. She doesn't always have to have one or anything, but she does gravitate to this particular sort of object if she sees one, and it is, for some very bizarre reason, very satisfying to her. Anyway, so seeing her with that in the classroom just made me think, "Oh no, my child really is autistic," which lately we have felt is not an accurate diagnosis for her. We still don't think it is, in many respects, but I'm not pushing for a diagnosis anymore right now. We'll just take things as they come.

Her teachers said Clara kept trying to open the door, which really worried them, and so Ms. Debbie (one of her teachers) took her down the hall and introduced her to all of the other teachers so they could watch out for Clara wandering down the hall. Nothing like having your child introduced to all the other teachers because she has issues to make you feel conspicuous.

Anyway, I had a good cry when I came home and now I am more in reality mode as to what to expect with school (i.e. expecting to dread what they say when I pick her up from school). No, seriously, I think/hope it will be a good thing, even though it is so painful for me to have to see and hear all the issues she's having. I think I'm going to tell her teachers to try to think of two positive things they see Clara doing so I don't focus on all of the negatives.

On a positive note, Clara really is becoming more responsive and obedient in many respects--cleaning up her room, making more eye contact, being more aware and concerned about how we're feeling, etc. She is able to tell us more of what she wants and is more decisive and repeats less. Of course, her decisiveness makes for more defiance, but hey, that's pretty normal. Her sweet spirit makes all the rough times easier. Oh, how I love our little Clara.

Clara's First Day of Preschool

Today was Clara's first day of preschool. I felt like it was my first day of school--I felt anxious and had some serious butterflies going on. I was never planning on putting Clara in a preschool setting until maybe a year before Kindergarten, but her therapists and special ed. teachers felt like a more regular social setting would be very beneficial for her. So, we prayed about it and felt like it was the right choice. We decided to put her in the older two-year-old class instead of the three-year-old class because she's (1) not potty trained, and (2) developmentally about a year behind. She's only going twice a week, but dang, I miss her already! One of my biggest worries is that she'll get sick all the time and our money will be going down the tube, but I have to remember that it will build up her immune system (right? right?!). We hope and pray that she will continue to develop and mature socially in this setting as well.



I'm so proud of myself--I made Clara's dress and bow (the shoes were hand-me-downs from a friend and were the inspiration for the outfit). (And I didn't do the embroidery.)



Clara's concerned expression probably reflects my own . . .

Mommy time

Clara loves it when I do pilates. In fact, she asks me to do them pretty much every day (not that I do them every day). The real reason is because she wants any excuse to watch something on television, but hey, I like to think that she'll one day learn to do them herself. She often wants to lie on the floor with me and occasionally attempts some of the movements. It's pretty cute.

Clara loves "helping" in the kitchen. Today we made pizza, and Clara enjoyed playing in the leftover flour. I personally am not a big fan of eating plain flour, but hey, different strokes for different folks, I guess.

The Fairy Walk

Fairy walks began with my grandmother, Nonny. Presumably because of her Irish/gypsy heritage, Nonny believed in and taught fairy lore to my mother, who has since passed it on to us. I remember as a little girl going on a fairy walk and being utterly amazed at seeing miniscule household items that the fairies had forgotten to clean up in their rush to hide at a humans' arrival into their domain. My mom has now continued the fairy walk for her grandchildren. Although my nieces (and nephews) are getting older, they still seem to truly believe in the fairies. Heck, so do I!
Fairies fishing. (The box reads "fishin' stuff" and there is a fishing string hanging over the side.)
A fairy garden. (See the little trowel and rake?)
A fairy picnic on the underside of a mushroom.
Some of the grandkids, after the fairy walk. The fairies always say "goodbye" from a corner of the yard via twinkle lights that Bapa (my dad) has secretly set up.

Family Luau

This weekend we took a quick trip back to Atlanta (left Friday, returned Saturday) to go to the temple and enjoy some family time. My family held their annual luau, and good times were had by all--delicious food, not-so-authentic Hawaiian music in the background, and good company.
Thanks for the "sea food," kiddo.

Hanging out.

Playing a bean bag toss game with cousin Kendall. I wish I'd taken pics of the hilarious limbo moves we watched later from my very flexible nieces.

My mom turned the traditional luau volcano cake into a birthday cake to celebrate my birthday a week early. Thanks, Mom!

Gulp . . . I did it!

Well, I finally took the plunge yesterday and chopped Clara's hair. It was the fourth time I've cut it since she was born, but this time I cut off about six or seven inches. Yikes! I was pretty traumatized at first, but Clara was happy as a clam sitting in her booster seat and watching Max and Ruby. She kept shaking her hair--you probably know that feeling of releasing such a heavy hair burden.

Ode to Mr. Bear

I would like to wax eloquent about Clara's little stuffed bear, Mr. Bear. He has been with us since Clara's first Easter, over three years ago, given to her by my mom. An important member of our family, Mr. Bear has sat with us at dinner, accompanied us to church over 150 times, been a perpetual car-rider and errand-runner, traveled across the country twice, accepted many band-aids, spills, dirt stains, germs, and innumerable other evidences of a little girl's love.

Most especially, he has been a tremendous source of comfort. He comforted Clara on three separate occasions when nurses attempted to draw blood and when Clara got her MRI. He has helped her get through difficult OT/PT sessions, overwhelming playdates, and on trips when Mom and Dad were away. Clara has slept only one night without him, and it was the saddest six hours of sleep ever. For both of us.

It is time to confess. As time has passed, I have grown very fond of Mr. Bear as well. He has been a crutch for me and I would always make sure she had him for nursery, outings, etc. so that she would have her "comfort object." I now have developed a sixth sense for Mr. Bear's whereabouts to ensure that we do not lose him (which has almost happened on several occasions).

However, I feel that the time has come for Mr. Bear to be not quite so ever-present in our lives. For over a week now, Mr. Bear has remained at home for nearly all of our outings (I do let him attend Sacrament meeting, but not nursery). Clara has held up very well, which further cements my conviction that this weaning is time-appropriate. Now, lest you fear we have abandoned him altogether, let me assure that she still carries him all around the house, asks for him frequently, and sleeps with him. I am fine with that. Eventually we'll get to the point where he is just for bed, but for now, this will do.

I love you, Mr. Bear. Thank you for being there for us. We will make sure you are around for many years to come.

P.S. And if Clara ever outgrows you, you will always have a place with me.

THEN.

NOW.

To cut or not to cut?

I'll get to the point of this post at the end . . .

I could have taken pictures of other happenings from this week, like the following:

• Clara taking off her poopy diaper during her "quiet time" in her room and getting poop all over her bedspread, on the floor, and on last year's clothing that she had taken out of the closet;
• My having to wash three loads of laundry (thanks to the above incident);
• My scrubbing her bedspread with an old toothbrush (see above)
  
• My washing her floor (ditto)
• Clara putting on--no joke--seven pairs of underwear AT ONCE, with one pair on correctly
• Clara wrecking her room and moving her furniture during her "quiet times."

Instead, I'll pretend all of those things never happened and post pretty pics of our visit to the park before library story time today.

Which leads me to the question of the day: Should I cut Clara's hair short? I'm talking chin-length. I love her hair long, but with its natural wave it is somewhat unmanageable at times, particularly with the humidity. I probably should have done it at the beginning of the summer, but now that it will be fall (relatively) soon, I have very mixed feelings. Any thoughts?

It's not all about ME

"It" in the title refers to motherhood. I feel like my peace or frustration with Clara come in waves--sometimes I am just so proud of the progress she is making, and other times I feel like she's regressed and life is stagnant with everyday the same, dealing with the same discouraging issues. The past couple of months we have noticed improvements in Clara's social interactions, particularly with other children one on one. We have also noticed increased eye contact, more flexibility and obedience, and just a greater level of understanding on her part of what is expected of her. They are probably imperceptible changes to others, and they're not consistent, but Michael and I feel to thank our Heavenly Father for His tender mercies.

And then we have a week like this one has mostly been, with a lot of disobedience, defiance, difficulties with other children, etc. etc. Some days have left me in tears, and yesterday was a particularly discouraging one. Instead of turning to the Savior for strength, I turned my thoughts inward to my own inadequacies. Those "why" questions pop up a lot when I feel discouraged--why can't I have a "normal" child? Why aren't we being blessed with more children? Et cetera et cetera.

Residency has also been very stressful for Michael, and he has a lot on his plate right now. But, as usual, he put his heavy load aside for me last night and comforted me. As we turned to the Lord for guidance, I recognized that so many of my "mothering issues" have been about me. Me me me. Don't get me wrong, often I am aching for Clara and worrying for her and her future and whether she can make friends, survive school, get a job, get married, reach her full potential, etc. But other times, I've thought, "Why can't I have the precocious child?" "Why can't I enjoy the milestones that other moms do, at the right times (and not a year and a half later)?" "This is just too hard (for me)."

I was reminded last night that we as mothers make sacrifices. Big sacrifices. And they can't be for ourselves, so we can "look good." They are for the children we have borne, who we will never give up on, who we will do all that we can for (just ignore those dangling prepositions, okay?). It is for Clara that I must swallow my pride and mothering expectations and learn to put aside the petty wishes of my "instant gratification" heart ("I want results! Now!"). Patience is obviously something I need to work on.

Needless to say, my faith in my Savior, Jesus Christ, grows when I remember that He has felt my pain and knows my struggles. And my struggles are so small compared to the devastating battles that so many women fight each day, all around me and all around the world. Even with all the minutiae of mankind's existence, He knows me--each of us--personally and has encircled me in the arms of His love.

I am learning to look upon motherhood as a chance to become acquainted with God. It's a work in progress.

Fabulous Fun with T 'n T

We had a blast this weekend when Michael's younger sister, Tabitha, her husband, Tommy, and their little boy, Adam, came to visit for a few days. They seemed to tolerate us and the leaky air mattress they had to sleep on fairly well. It was so fun to hang out with them.

Clara liked "baby Adam" and did pretty well with him, all things considered. Clara really liked Tabitha and Tommy . . . we heard "Hi Tommy!" and "Hi Tabitha!" peppered throughout our conversations.

Beautiful Tabitha and Adam, hanging out by the canal.

The water felt soooo good--Clara wanted to jump in. (We all did.)

Swimming in the backyard . . . check out the facial expression on each of these crazy characters.

Daddy is da bomb!

Tommy and Adam. Don't you think Adam has the cutest smile ever?!

Clara and her sidekick, Mr. Bear.

Daddy's little girl!

This is my "Clarapleaselookatthecamerasowecantakethedadgumpicture" expression. Picturesque, isn't it?