Birthday thoughts

 Crazy that I am now forty-two years old. I confess, I am struggling a bit with being in my forties. My life is probably about halfway through, and it doesn't quite look like how I thought it would. Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly, incredibly blessed, but I think I just thought I'd have something more to "show" for my life, or that I'd be "further along," whatever that means. I think sometimes I just feel a bit bemused by the fact that I have a nineteen-year-old who still lives at home when my friends' children are off on missions and college, and meanwhile I also have a very strong-willed three-year-old who is currently yelling at me from upstairs while he's supposed to be in his quiet time. Still, there are things I appreciate about this time in my life, such as the following:

THINGS I APPRECIATE:

- Having a bigger perspective and more compassion than I did when I was younger; seeing "the gray" in the complexities of life more than I could when I was younger

- Learning to see the beautiful things about each unique season of life, learning to be present

- Still being physically able to do a decent amount of things, despite a loss of flexibility and core strength (working on that!)

- Twenty-two years of marriage means we've both learned a lot about patience, listening, forgiveness, repentance, gratitude, and consistency 

- I feel more gratitude for my Savior and less of a need to be "perfect," although that still gets to me frequently; more understanding of His role in my life

- I am finally figuring out how to do my hair better after decades, lol

- I have finally understood myself as a high-functioning introvert, meaning I get energy from being by myself for some time before going out to be with others (hence my need for a daily quiet time); I enjoy being with others but I also need time to recup by myself

- Clayton's adorable talking and questions

- The boys still want to talk to us and be with us--Robbie coming in to talk, my giving the boys massages at night for their special time occasionally, 

- The occasional fun moments that Clara and I have together, sharing a laugh

- Reading to the boys on the couch--my fave

- Watching all the boys jumping on the trampoline through the window

- Hearing kind comments from teachers about the boys

- Watching the boys grow: their strong bodies, their desire and ability to run around, their energy and enthusiasm for everything

- Seeing the boys learning new skills, like Benjy learning to ride his bike this summer, or Clayton becoming potty trained and being determined to do everything all by himself (except when he refuses to do something because he wants me to do it)

- The slow but steady arrival of meaningful activities I enjoy--beginning a tech group in our community on Facebook and becoming involved in the schools that way, helping in the refugee community in small ways, 

- The boys' antics drive me up the wall, like their constant hitting and provoking, but then there are real jewels in the midst, like the comment I heard in the car on the way to lacrosse yesterday from Robbie to Henry: "I'm a way better peace-maker than you, Henry." I have to laugh.

THINGS I WANT TO IMPROVE IN:

- Being present in the moment, less distracted by my phone, etc

- Enjoying and not judging my children's future based on their current choices

- Improving myself and not giving up--French, violin, voice, pickleball

- Knowing the scriptures backward and forward

- Being a better listener

- Stretching more, getting stronger, getting more sleep, drinking more water, eating more veggies and less sugar

- Continuing to work on finding/developing hobbies that Michael and I can do together

- Involving myself in meaningful projects in my community and making a difference--being an influence for good (one of my greatest, deepest desires)

THINGS I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO:

- Being able to attend the temple during the day when the kids are in school (fingers crossed)

- Not having someone jump on my back when I'm leaning over doing something (something that drives me crazy lol) or stepping on my legs when I'm kneeling down (why do they like to step on my calves when I'm kneeling??)

- Not cleaning pee sheets

- Being able to be more involved in my interests when Clayton is in school: volunteering at the literacy center, helping out at school, taking up the violin again (?)

- Having less junk food in the house to tempt me

- Michael and I being able to go on trips together without worrying about babysitters (not sure when this will happen as I'm not sure when Clara will be living on her own...)

My birthday happened to be the same weekend of Michael's grandmother's memorial service in Pennsylvania. Michael rented a twelve-seater van and picked up nearly all of his siblings (Melody's son was sick so she couldn't come :-( and Tabitha drove from Ohio) from the Dulles airport, his parents drove into town, and they spent the weekend at the lake house. I drove up with the kids on Saturday evening and our dear lake neighbor, Debbie, made us both dinner and breakfast and also provided a few extra beds for his sisters so that the kids and I could stay the night. It was lovely.

Just like old times in Big Red (the Weiler van), right? Except the bodies are bigger.

Jumping off the boat house!

Our neighbor Debbie also made this delicious Texas sheet cake for my birthday, complete with sparkling candles. She didn't know but it's one of my favorite desserts!

Celebrating with family is the best!

Dinnertime with Grandma.

The backview of the bros.

Grandma and Grandpa came over on Sunday evening for a night before they headed down to visit other siblings on their way to their mission in Jacksonville, Florida. It was so nice to have them.

Robbie made me a very sweet Lego creation and a super thoughtful card for my birthday! I loved it.

Michael and I spent a getaway backpacking/camping for a night to celebrate our anniversary late. But first we drove to Richmond to attend the temple together.

Sharp Top peak in the Peaks of Otter mountains. Too bad it was totally cloudy when we finally summited. We also hiked Flat Top peak, so about 8 miles total.

 It was a lovely weekend, and we enjoyed being outside, talking about all the kids, and planning the next few months. It blows my mind that I don't get tired of being with this guy!