Mama thoughts

I pour a lot of myself into my children--thinking about them, praying about them, shopping for them, planning for them, worrying about/for them, researching about how to help them better and how to be a better mother. It occurred to me after we spent dinner with another family recently that I need to make sure that I am doing all the things I do because I want to do them and not because I expect a certain outcome. If I feel like if I do x, y, or z then therefore my kids will turn out amazingly well (or dare I say, better than someone else's children), then I might be tempted to blame God or blame myself if outcomes don't turn out how I want. My best efforts do not guarantee my children's outcomes, and that is difficult for me. However, the Savior has guaranteed their outcomes. He has promised, "For I will contend with him that contendeth with thee, and I will save thy children" (Isaiah 49:25). 

I really resonated with an article from the Ensign in July 2020, where a mother spoke about her children choosing different paths. My children are not even grown, but I still appreciated this reminder:

While parents play an important role in teaching their children, He reminded me that my role isn’t to judge or save them but to love them. Jesus Christ is their Savior and Judge. 

In my determination to save my children, I had spent many hours praying, reading my scriptures, and going to the temple, thinking that if I did all of the right things, I would qualify for God’s intervention—as if somehow my actions would lead God to override their agency and influence them to believe as I do.

I so badly want my children to develop testimonies for themselves, to grow and develop into the amazing people I know that they are and can be and to fulfill the missions that Heavenly Father has planned for them, should they so choose to follow Him. And while I will never stop trying (and in many ways I am just beginning), I also want to let go of expectation of a certain outcome and instead just enjoy the journey, the process, the beauty of motherhood.

 I want to look forward with anticipation to see what good things they'll do, what differences they'll make in the world, and how they'll learn and grow. I want to see the future bright as it really is, instead of worry about all the wrong and hard things that may or may not happen. One of my goals for this year is to become a better listener and to grow in my hope in Christ. I want to end 2023 with greater trust that the Lord will take care of me and my family, as He has in the past. No matter what happens, I've decided it's going to be a great year.